Well there was a thread like this at the Freespace 2 forum, and its at 1300 posts, so here goes. Make it as nonsensical and funny as possible.
One day, Captain Jacobs of the "Aeneid" looked out his window and saw Mr.T's super-modified van outside. Mr.T docked with the Aeneid and...
------------------
...Mr. T asks, "with what?" C.Jacobs answers, "I'm building a machine that will suck in all the air in the universe. Then I'm gonna sell air in cans for lots of money. I'll be rich!" "How do I fit in?" asks Mr. T. "Well, I have run out of cans to put air in. I need you to go to Canada to get some more metal cans. And while your at it, get me a machine that can suck in all the air in the world"...
------------------
EAS
Man say Phillie number one American cigar, that man right!
AIM: Esvaem6 (duh)
(url="http://"mailto:Schilla_99@yahoo.com")mailto:Schilla_99@yahoo.com(/url)Schilla_99@yahoo.com
Meanwhile...
A very specific shade of a color commands his prism ship into orbit around a blackhole. To be continued...
------------------
-Shade
"Scorpion petting zoo-
Innovative concepts in exposing city kids to nature."
-Gary Larson
(url="http://"http://www.theonion.com")The Onion, America's finest news source(/url)
Mr. T goes to Canada and searches for metal cans and a machine that
sucks air. He notices a store called "North Canadian Megalomaniac
Supplies". He goes in. He searches and searches, but the only metal cans
suitable for the job are filled with anthrax. He buys them and searches
for a place to release the deadly anthrax...
------------------
"You can make something idiot proof, but someone else can make a better
idiot"
AIM/AOL-Nador26
Yahoo Messenger-OctoberFost
(url="http://"http://www.geocities.com/OctoberFost")http://www.geocities.com/OctoberFost(/url)
(This message has been edited by OctoberFost (edited 05-10-2000).)
ShadeOfBlue creates a subset of the rules of the universe that makes the Hawking radiation around the blackholes have a frequency equal to that of a certain shade of visible blue. Not only does this mean that superintelligent particles are streaming our of the black hole (now in essence a blue hole), but since half of Hawking radiation is absorbed by the blackhole, the blackhole itself is becoming super intelligent, and is now able to select what it sucks in or not!
Meanwhile, before Mr. T realizes the blackhole is in fact a superintelligent bluehole he diecides to dump the anthrax there! The blue hole changes it's color to that color of blue and spits it back out. The anthrax has become super intelligent! What will happen now?
------------------
-Shade
"Americans want their cheese dead."
-NY Times Magazine
"Some people call magzines mags, some call zines, so I just call the gazs."
(url="http://"http://www.theonion.com")The Onion, America's finest news source(/url)
(This message has been edited by ShadeOfBlue (edited 05-10-2000).)
The anthrax all comes and explodes captain J's body and with it goes his evil plan.
Meanwhile, somewhere in the sahara our friend the goldfish from pepperadge farms is tanning under the sun when rain starts to fall--but its not normal rain, no its yellow rain!!! The goldfish attaches itself to a metal bar. THe bluehole, seeking a challenge, comes to suck up the goldfish. Instead, it sucks up the yellow rain. Now its a greenhole (beat that shade!)
------------------
EAS
Man say Phillie number one American cigar, that man right!
AIM: Esvaem6 (duh)
(url="http://"mailto:Schilla_99@yahoo.com")mailto:Schilla_99@yahoo.com(/url)Schilla_99@yahoo.com
The blue hole did indeed look green when the yellow rain was in front of it being sucked in, however, because it didn't come into existence with one half within the event horizon and one half outside of it, it is obliterated as it is sucked into the accretion disk and therefor never affects the blackhole.
Meanwhile...
The blue, super intelligent anthrax watches from a distance, watching, thinking super intelligently...
------------------
-Shade
"Americans want their cheese dead."
-NY Times Magazine
"Some people call magazines mags, some call 'em zines, so I just call them gazs."
(url="http://"http://www.theonion.com")The Onion, America's finest news source(/url)
Mr. T yells "Ah pity the foo who thinks he's blue!" and attempts to head-slam ShadeOfBlue.
Being a wavelength, Mr. T's hands went right through him, and he ended up falling over due to the added mass of his hair.
Mr. T yells "Wut duh ****?"
ShadeOfBlue laughs maniacally and...
------------------
---<< Ą Secret Chimp ! >>---
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
"HYOOOOOOHHH! You are correct sir!"-Lucky Bob/Ed McMahon
(This message has been edited by Jude (edited 05-11-2000).)
The super-intelligent anthrax comes back to earth and joins the Republican party. It begins a plan to infect the all the Democrats, creating a one party system in the US.
Meahwhile Mr.T has gotten away from ShadeOfBlue and has escaped, along with a strain of the super-intelligent anthrax that has defected from the main strain, to the 6th demension. There they beg Elvis and his band of Smurfs to save the US from the super-intelligent anthrax...
------------------
"You can make something idiot proof, but someone else can make a better idiot"
AIM/AOL-Nador26
Yahoo Messenger-OctoberFost
(url="http://"http://www.geocities.com/OctoberFost")http://www.geocities.com/OctoberFost(/url)
The super intelligent anthrax's plan to kill the republican party was thwarted, however, because Al Gore bored it all to death in talking about finances.
Except of course the defecting faction of super anthrax, which coalesced together somehow, into a gigantic fork.
The sanity of the situation escaping him, Mr.T decided to try to do something about the inteligent Bluehole floating in space. So he thought up a plan. It involved a special team of tuna-juggling midget gnomes.
------------------
Quote
Originally posted by Mad Bomber:
**It involved a special team of tuna-juggling midget gnomes.
**
Which that oh so blue entity started bombarding with high energy photons so that they acted like miniature solar sails, but very very slowly. 
Meanwhile...
The giant space squid reared its ugly head-foot (thats what the scientific name for squid means) and started making lots of fizzies...
------------------
-Shade
"Americans want their cheese dead."
-NY Times Magazine
"Some people call magazines mags, some call 'em zines, so I just call them gazs."
(url="http://"http://www.theonion.com")The Onion, America's finest news source(/url)
Then in defence of the country (he doesn't care about communist countries), the Presedent (a.k.a. ME) reads Vogon poetry on a worldwide loudspeaker. Being super-intellegent, the BLUE hole is effected the greatest and...
P.S. Only people other then S.O.B. (hey!) trying pitifully trying to save his creation may continue this section. Yes, I said pitiful.
------------------
When in it up to thier ears, the
wise keep thier mouths shut.
Quote
Originally posted by GunsAndTurrets:
**P.S. Only people other then S.O.B. (hey!) trying pitifully trying to save his creation may continue this section. Yes, I said pitiful.
**
STFU. You know, I'd hardly say I'm the most pitiful when it comes to these things. Most of the time people just say "I build a gigantic fleet from dimension x and come and blow everything away making me, since my fleet and I are the only people left, the supreme ruler of the universe!" I hardly said anything about being invincible. There were plenty of things somebody could have done to defeat my creations. I purposely had this in mind when I had I was blowing them away with photons, just about anything could move against a stream of photons (ever try walking towards a flashlight?). I've also tryed to open up other plotlines so that it wouldn't just be Shade vs. everybody else.
Anyways, Mr. T does have all those empty cans now...
------------------
-Shade
"Americans want their cheese dead."
-NY Times Magazine
"Some people call magazines mags, some call 'em zines, so I just call them gazs."
(url="http://"http://www.theonion.com")The Onion, America's finest news source(/url)
Quote
Originally posted by GunsAndTurrets:
**...the BLUE hole is effected the greatest and...
**
luckily sound doesn't travel through empty space. 
Come on, you can up with something better than Vogon poetry. I already gave away one way with my last post.
------------------
-Shade
"Americans want their cheese dead."
-NY Times Magazine
"Some people call magazines mags, some call 'em zines, so I just call them gazs."
(url="http://"http://www.theonion.com")The Onion, America's finest news source(/url)
Mr. T decides to beat up Jesse Ventura, but just ends up becoming governor for Michigan. He then appoints the super-intelligent anthrax as the cheif of police, and the mob is replaced with the anthrax vaccine.
Does anyone know where I can get some Mister T sound bites? I want "Ah pity the foo!" as my alert sound
------------------
---<< Ą Secret Chimp ! >>---
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
"HYOOOOOOHHH! You are correct sir!"-Lucky Bob/Ed McMahon
While all the action rages on....a mystic character strides out up to the White house determined to give a piece of his input on the situation. With a Tekken Tag arcade machine strapped to his back he gives the guards a lengthy description on how to save the universe....hoo boy...
Apparently the guards didn't take too kindly to the story of wild toad monkeys building a giant arcade machine which played Tony Hawk's pro skater so they chucked the idiot into a nearby nut house and stole his machine. Ah well.....that's gratitude for you.
---------------
(Drops Tekken 3 Arcade machine on hand...looks at broken hand)
"Damn! How am I going to play that new Namco game?"
The imperfect clone of Von Herringbërg, bearing a striking non-resemblance to Cloud but a striking resemblance to Von Herringbërg, and not fitting in with the Von Herringbërg universe, folds into existence amongst the returning guards. Displeased with their handling of the situation, his twisted logic instructs him to dispose of them in a blinding shockwave of energy emitted from his person with no more effort than thinking of it. The offending guards, smeared across the nearby trees, do not complain. Von Cerringbërg (for Clone) then folds the fabric of space using the powers of his mind again to warp into existence near the Blue Hole, but, due to his equal intelligence, remains isolated in a fold of space. From the safety of his pocket he encases the Blue Hole in it's own fold, where all radiating energy is directed back in. This causes the Blue Hole to grow increasingly intelligent at a doubled rate, as well as increasingly aggravated since as long as it's encased (for as long as Von Cerringbërg conciously or unconciously wishes for it to be - who knows how long that will be?) it can't do anything but sit there! Satisfied, Von Cerringbërg notices Mr. T being the governer of Michigan, doesn't care, and, lightning striking any particle or object around him that he finds imperfect (well, he likes lightning a lot, but that's by no means the limit of his power...) folds to...
------------------
Simp-son, HO-mer Simp-son, heeee's the greatest man in his-tor-yyyy! FROM the TOWN of Spring-field, he's about to hit a chest-nut treeeeeeee! AAAAAAAGHHGH! CRUNCH
------------------
---<< Ą Secret Chimp ! >>---
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
"HYOOOOOOHHH! You are correct sir!"-Lucky Bob/Ed McMahon
As all this goes on, Elvis and his Band of Smurfs emerge from the 6th demension and go to Michigan to meet with Gov.T. Together, they invade Ohio and enslave it. Needless to say, the US government is angered, and a war starts. Canada, Mexico, Cuba, China, and the Ukraine join in on Michigan's side, as do the states of Illinois, Indiana, and Kentucky. Meahwhile, a team of Uzbekistani Commandos, for reasons unkown, kill Von Cerringbërg, thus freeing the blue hole...
------------------
"You can make something idiot proof, but someone else can make a better idiot"
AIM/AOL-Nador26
Yahoo Messenger-OctoberFost
(url="http://"http://www.geocities.com/OctoberFost")http://www.geocities.com/OctoberFost(/url)
