Quote
Originally posted by TheLonePenguin:
**OOC: Luke I AM IN THE LEVO SYSTEM HOW CAN YOU SHOOT ME?
**
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Fear me. 
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Write your complaints here: O
Please don't write out of the space.
(url="http://"http://www.evula.com")-(/url)-----------------
(url="http://"http://www.homestead.com/lukenj/index.html")"It's spelled Luke, but it's pronounced 'Qkrnxtl.'"(/url)
Penguin after drinking all the nibos Penguin falls off the stool head first and a sikining Crack is herd throught the bar and felt in the pool.
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"You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose. But you cant pick your friends nose."- Me
3rrd Party EV Site: (url="http://"http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EscapeVeolcityGroup")http://groups.yahoo....peVeolcityGroup(/url)
Luke reincarnates himself and dumps Zax's body in the acid pit.
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Write your complaints here: O
Please don't write out of the space.
(url="http://"http://www.evula.com")-(/url)-----------------
(url="http://"http://www.homestead.com/lukenj/index.html")"It's spelled Luke, but it's pronounced 'Qkrnxtl.'"(/url)
Rawzer enters the bar. "Yo."
The bartender greets him. "What'll it be, Zer?"
"Rawzer. Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. I've had a rough couple weeks."
The bartender hands him the bubbly acidic drink. "I said 'Sir.' Anyway, here's your drink, your week's about to get rougher..."
Rawzer takes a sip, and projectile vomits on TheLonePenguin. "Oh, jeez, sorry."
He takes another sip and his shoes explode. "Damn."
One last sip. Nothing. "Finally. These things get worse for me every time."
Rawzer downs the mug and searches the rest of the bar for cyberporn to hack and crash. "That smut is disgusting. I don't even know what half of those appendages are. Ugh."
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Read my (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=20&SUBMIT;=Go")story(/url)! It's good! Really! Comment on it, too! I'm desperate!
Remember, everyone, I'm joking. Seriously!
Having obliterated the jerk who cut him off on the way to the spaceport, Captain Cupelix skillfully flies his souped-up Rebel Cruiser, the R.S.S. Agamemnon down to the docking port. Eyeing his landing spot, he parallel parks between an Argosy, and "accidentally" dings the Confederate Frigate behind him. As he walks toward the bar, he locks his ships hatch, taking care not to lock his keys inside.
After surveying the bar, he ambles over to the bartender. Drunken with victory, he slams his fist on the counter and proclaims "Give me a bottle of vodka!" He takes his drink to a secluded corner of the bar, sets his concussion rifle on the table, kicks up his feet and waits...
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"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind."
"HEY, this is a goddamm quarter, not a penny!!!" RC strugles to climb back onto his bar stool. After several minutes of "just sitting there" he gets bored. RC stumbles out of the bar and sees the shiny R.S.S. Agamemnon. RC gets out his Utima Cannon and blasts a hole in the hull. He walks through the hole into the bridge. RC then crawls under the control panel, and plays with the wires a bit.
The R.S.S. Agamemnon slowly rises of the ground, with a sudden jolt bashed into the Fed Frigate
"eeh!?"
*The R.S.S. Agamemnon afterburns out of the atmosphere. The bridge depressurizes and RC is sucked into space. He floats though space until a shuttle picks him up. the R.S.S. Agamemnon gaining speed, disregards several warnings and slices a Confederate Cruiser in half. A large explotion is seen from light years away.
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Of course, the light of the explosion takes years to reach light years away. Light- year. It's rather simple.
Anyway, the Confederation intel (no oxymoron jokes, please!!!) traces the Rebel Cruiser to Cupelix, who is now on the 10 Most Wanted list, right behind Derf Bluebeard and right in front of Evets Shipwrecker, half-witted son of the legendary Trebor Shipwrecker, formally #1 on the list, now dead.
Rawzer checks the internet (Sub-Etha is for losers. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.) and finds that the price on Cupelix's head is 150K cr. Nice.
Rawzer sets his phaser to "Decapitate."
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"...All h(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r fri(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)nds in school w(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) non-conformists, so sh(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) b(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)cam(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) a non-conformist too."
Artist-Austin Lounge Lizards
Album-Small Minds
Song-Big Tex
Cupelix runs outside after wondering what that blast was, and sees his ship disintigrate in a colossal fireball. "Ah, sh!t," he mutters and walks back into the bar. He sees someone inside looking at him rather sinisterly, who, unknown to Cupelix, turns out to be Rawzer. Cupelix quickly draws and fires his concussion rifle, watching his victim vanish in a rather gooey explosion. Everyone in the bar glances in his direction, then shrugs off the incident and goes about their business.
Taking a quick glance on his PDA, Cupelix takes a big slug of his vodka and notices that in every Confederation system in the galaxy, his legal rating has gone from 'Most Wanted' to 'Galactic Scourge'.
Walking back outside, he peers into the cockpit of the nearby Kestrel. "What?! No CD player?!" Cupelix looks farther ahead to see another Rebel Cruiser, with no crew in sight. He walks over and inspects the ship. It's not in the best condition, but he decides it will have to do. He pops the hood, and proceeds to hotwire the cruiser.
put put put BANG! put put vrooooooooooooom!
Smiling with satisfaction, he then goes and has the ship outfitted just the way he likes it, including a new security system and set of keys. He then returns to the bar, leaving the shield generators online this time.
Now fairly tanked, Cupelix walks down the newly-christened R.S.S. Agamemnon's hatch, 2 spaceport security personel are waiting to greet him.
"Mr. Cupelix, we've gotten a report that this ship was stolen. That's not allowed here!" says Lenny.
"But that's MY ship!" Cupelix slurs.
"I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us," says Sam, the other security guy.
"But I'm DRUNK!" shouts Cupelix. Sam and Lenny brandish their laser pistols. Cupelix gives in. "Allright, FINE. I wouldn be drinkin' if you didn't upset me so mush," he says as he staggers along. Cupelix's vision suddenly flashes white as Sam quickly pistol-whips him, knocking him right out.
"Sam," groans Lenny, "he was coming along willingly"
"I know," says Sam matter-of-factly.
"I guess we'll have to carry him."
"What about this ship?" asked Sam.
"I don't want to carry that," whined Lenny, "just leave it here."
Cupelix later awakens in his spaceport-security cell, and sees a gaurd at his desk, watching his cell intently. Just then, the pilot of a local cargo shuttle who happened to be drunk at the helm, plowed right into the cell, taking out the wall. Cupelix scrambled to protect himself. The gaurd however, remained at his desk, unfazed, still watching the cell. Cupelix stood up and brushed himself off. Trying to think of a distraction, he points behind the gaurd and shouts "Whoa! What the hell is that?" The gaurd turns to look, and the instant he does, Cupelix yells "Sucker!" and runs back to the bar...
The gaurd meanwhile, looks back toward the cell, and thinks for a moment. He radios to his CO, "Uh...I think I'm going to take my break now..."
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"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind."
DeadBeat silently shuffles into the bar. His face is dirty and unshaven, his clothes are old and torn. He squints at the bartender, "A Nibos Beer please," he mumbles almost silently.Then he jumps on his stool and announces the good news to the bar by yelling "I'm Back!!!" Afterwards he quietly resumes his sitting position. When his Nibos beer arives he smiles with sweet satifaction, the roach juice hadn't taken hold while he was gone. He then took a sip of his Nibos beer. It was the perfect way to relax after a hard 6 weeks.
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If I lived in paradise I'd take a vacation to hell to cure my depression.
-DeadBeat
Rawzer's gooey remnants remain on the walls until someone smashes a bottle of Old Janx Spirit all over the bar in a fight. The Old Janx spills on the gooey mess, and each of the 42 little blobs turns into a Rawzer. Awesome. The 42 Rawzers proceed to change a light bulb. (See (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/webboard/Forum6/HTML/001722.html")this(/url) thread.) Twenty-two Rawzers are left after the procedure, unless you count Rawzer #16, who lost his arms and left leg. He didnt last long though, he tripped face first into the acid pit. Ouch...
Later, 22 Rawzers piled into 11 tanks and smashed down the door to the bar. The front ten tanks sported two Quad Neutron Cannons, while the back one had a Fix-O-Ray. It rebuilt the door.
Rawzer #7 opens his hatch and calls out, "Hey, has anyone seen Cupelix? We're just trying to make some money. We'll give you 10 credits if you can show me where he is."
Cupelix emerges from the men's room, zipping up his fly. "Oh, f---," he says, seeing the tanks, loud enough for everyone to hear. Fifty fingers point in his direction, and fifty one palms reach out for money.
"Forget it, guys, we saw him first. So, Cupelix, blow me into a bloody mess, will you?"
"That was the plan."
"Well, it didn't work, did it?"
"It doesn't look like it did."
"In fact, it backfired, right guys?"
Nine more hatches opened, revealing all but two of the 22 Rawzers. The other two had gotten out of their Fix-O-Ray tank to get some Guiness Beer.
"Right," they all shouted. Twenty Quad Neutron Cannons powered up.
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"...All h(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r fri(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)nds in school w(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) non-conformists, so sh(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) b(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)cam(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) a non-conformist too."
Artist-Austin Lounge Lizards
Album-Small Minds
Song-Big Tex
(This message has been edited by Rawzer (edited 08-19-2002).)
Suddenly, a neutron bolt just grazes Cupelix's hip, in fact, it sears off the waistband off his pants, which then fall around his ankles. "Gahhhh!" Cupelix makes a rather hasty retreat. Thinking quickly, he runs all the way to the shipyard, with his pants around his ankles.
Immediately, he is approached by a rather shady-looking trader.
"Hey, I like, sell stuff...you dig, like, stuff?" he says.
"I need a new identity!"
"Um...you have like, no pants or somethin"
"Look, just show me what you have for sale," grates Cupelix. The trader leads Cupelix to a back room, containing an impressive display of 'legally amibiguous' goods. "Great, I'll take this one here." Cupelix places his ID card into the device he has just purchased, and after checking with his computer, sees that the bounty has been erased, and that his legal status across the galaxy has been upgraded from 'Galactic Scourge' to 'Clean'.
"Hey," says the trader as Cupelix begins to walk away, "you like, have to pay for that, or somethin" with that, Cupelix tosses the man a card with 1.5M credits on it and walks off. Further, for another large fee, he has a hyper-mail transmitted to the Confederation high command, detailing the exact circumstances of the destruction of their ship, and where to apprehend the person truly responsible. With that, a large contingent of Confederation and local militia arrive to investigate.
Cupelix, meanwhile, returns to his ship, looking forward to a nap. As he nears the R.S.S. Agamemnon, however, it soon becomes clear that thousands of stray cats have made the exterior of his ship their new home.
"Get out of here...get the hell out of here!" he shouts at the cats.
"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!"
Cupelix shuffles back to the bar, now full of Confederate and militia personnel asking questions, and orders another bottle of vodka...
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"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind."
Rawzer decides that he should probably go back to The Gilded Truffle restaurant/hotel/independent but viciously armored Luxury Liner to see how Sylvia and Chirpo are doing. As he steps into the airlock, he realizes that he left his 21 clones back on Evildrome. Crap. He sends a message to Luke.
To: Luke
From:Rawzer
Subject: 
Hey, Luke! What's up?! Haven't seen you in a while, man! Anyway, I have a favor to ask you. Have you noticed those 21 guys that look just like me? Well, I got cloned a bunch of times, and I was hoping you could send them back to me. Just stick them somewhere in your spaceport with a sign that says "Rush to Earth-100K credits," that is, if you could. Thanks so much! You'll be getting 100K yourself if you do!
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"...All h(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r fri(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)nds in school w(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) non-conformists, so sh(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) b(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)cam(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) a non-conformist too."
Artist-Austin Lounge Lizards
Album-Small Minds
Song-Big Tex
DeadBeat decides to leave the bar to pick up a few items at the outfitters. As he walkes along he sees Rawzer, he gives him a quick nod and continues on walking. As DeadBeat walkes towards the outfitters he glances at the holovid and sees Rawzer starring at it intently. "Strange," thinks DeadBeat, "I didn't see Rawzer pass me on the way over." After a 15 min walk DeadBeat finally reaches the outfitters and Rawzer is there starring at him with a cold efficient look. "That's impossible," DeadBeat thinks to himself. Then DeadBeat realizes it, Rawzer is a Roach Spy. DeadBeat suddenly whirls around and blasts Rawzer in the head, Rawzer makes a sickening thud as he hits the ground. Not one pirate looks up from his meal, DeadBeat then continues on to pick up his stuff. On his way back from the bar DeadBeat is attacked by a fully revived Rawzer who yells and opens fire on him. DeadBeat quickly fires back, killing him. On his walk back DeadBeat is attacked again and again by Rawzer with the same effect. "Jeez," thinks DeadBeat as he round the final corner before the bar after just getting attacked again, "I've shot Rawzer 20 times and he hasn't died, he must have a personal shield generator." Then DeadBeat is attacked again by Rawzer, this time DeadBeat pulls out his rocket launcher and blows up Rawzer with a satisfying efficiency. "That's the end of my problems," thinks DeadBeat as he enters the bar.
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If I lived in paradise I'd take a vacation to hell to cure my depression.
-DeadBeat
AJ grumbles something obscene about the confederate thugs that now occupy the bar, just loud enough to make the nearest one wonder if he actually heard anything. AJ then immediately files a complaint with Luke about the confederate presence. Looks like another drink is in order.
-AJ
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0-60 3.0s...1320ft/9.2s...Head Gasket Bursts...
Luke sighs and tells his security 'droids to kill all the 'feds. After their bodies have all been thrown into the acid pit, Luke orders his 'droids to gather up the Rawzer clones and find someone to ship them to the real Rawzer. He then gives A J Bob "a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, on the house. Sorry 'bout those 'fed a**holes."
Luke then glues several bananas to his armpits.
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Write your complaints here: O
Please don't write out of the space.
(url="http://"http://www.evula.com")-(/url)-----------------
(url="http://"http://www.homestead.com/lukenj/index.html")"It's spelled Luke, but it's pronounced 'Qkrnxtl.'"(/url)
OV steps in after years of disapparance and sheds a tear.
"It's so good to be back here, to bad ALL the original members aren't here anymore. Do we still have any Dr Peper?"
OV builds an Insano bot and buys him a drink.
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All hell that ends well -Me
Some people are so full of themsleves that they could fill the oceans with their blood -Me
(url="http://"http://www.weebl.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/pie.html")Weebl and Bob(/url) | (url="http://"http://www.liquid2k.com/ethan_sucks/quiz6/pumpkin.jpg") Pumpkin Puke(/url) | (url="http://"http://www.magleague.com")MaG League- Overrider(/url)
The Underdogs Smiles:(url="http://"http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/gallery.htm")Underdog Smiles(/url)
AJ Bob =P takes a sip of the drink, thanks luke, and pays for the drink anyways after reminding him about the little shooting in the face incident a little while back... AJ then retreats off to his little corner and waits for Cupelix to return.
-AJ
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0-60 3.0s...1320ft/9.2s...Head Gasket Bursts...
Rawzer's clones are all dead. :frown: Deadbeat, why do you have to be such a deadbeat? I just wanted a good Ultimate FrisbeeΒ team. Now I'll have to cut off my finger and clone it. This should take just a sec.
<one second passes>
"Hi, 19 Rawzer clones!"
"Hi, Rawzer!"
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"...All h(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r fri(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)nds in school w(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)r(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) non-conformists, so sh(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) b(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url)cam(url="http://"http://www.EVula.com")e(/url) a non-conformist too."
Artist-Austin Lounge Lizards
Album-Small Minds
Song-Big Tex
Luke gets out a fire hose that connects to the Dr. Pepper storage containers and shoots it at OV.
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Write your complaints here: O
Please don't write out of the space.
(url="http://"http://www.evula.com")-(/url)-----------------
(url="http://"http://www.homestead.com/lukenj/index.html")"It's spelled Luke, but it's pronounced 'Qkrnxtl.'"(/url)
