It all began approximately 5000 years ago.

The gods had just created the 201st species, the mighty dragons.

A race whose capabilities far exceeded that of any of the other 200 species with their astonishing intelligence, power and agility.

All species lived in harmony with the gods for over 2000 years, as the gods easily remained in control. Nearly 3000 years ago the dragons developed the “forbidden technology”, as it was written in the Bible.

This angered the gods, and when the dragons refused to destroy the technology, they destroyed some of the dragon cities. In doing so, they started the "Great War."

Because the gods were immortal, the dragons stood no chance of winning.

The day before the last great dragon city met the wrath of the gods. the dragons in the city developed a technology to make the gods mortal and thus be able to defeat them. But there were almost no dragons left on Excelsior, and so, the dragons made a wise decision and sealed the technology in a magic sphere deep below the surface.

As they predicted , the next day brought the destruction of the city.

But the technology survived.

Now it was forever waiting, waiting to be discovered...perhaps sooner than thought.

(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 02-10-2002).)

First off drakes, Welcome to the Chronicles board! It's always great to see new authors appearing here with stories etc. and I hope we get to see more of you work.

Now, just a few points to your writing. First and foremost: detail. You really must add more detail to your story, it will greatly improve the reception it gets. Whilst I think that there is a nice germ of a story here, it is really much too short. It seems to me that this is more of a plan then a story itself, and that from this plan the full story will be written. While this is fine, it might be more advisable to submit a more complete version to this board.

Now to specifics. First off, of course, the story felt a bit rushed, which is a natural effect of it's length. You need to slow the pace a bit more, add more detail etc, just generally alter the flow of the story to gain a more natural and realistic rhythm. Many of the events you described are just not hanging together all that well, and the addition of more detail should fix that.

An example of this is when the surviving dragons seal the forbidden technology underneath the surface of the earth, and their city is destroyed. There was no reason given for it, and I think you'll find that the audience would prefer to know why , not just what

I'd like to know what the forbidden technology was and (like andiyar said) why they sealed it away.

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Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Aye, I was going to post the same thing as Andiyar -- more detail, more detail!

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quitcherbellyachin.
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I don't think you should change anything Drakes. What you have said in this entry for this game is all that is needed. It will leave others wishing to know what this "Secret Technology" really is. myself impaticularlly. So don't give up.

~Black Dragon

PS. If you want to change something, that's up to you.