Edit: I strongly advise you to read (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/webboard/Forum17/HTML/000656.html")http://www.ambrosias...TML/000656.html(/url)the preamble

Oh cool, a new series! And a really good one too.

Overall the whole story is everybit what it was promised to be, I'm lucky nothing came to try to take me of the computer during the time I was reading because I doubt I would have been able to get my rear off the chair.

There were several spelling mistakes that disrupted the flow and confused me. Such as the "shuttered" in the first paragraph. When I first read that I thought that the rifle had "shattered". And then to increase the confusion the guy goes and smashes is scope. I read that four times before I finally got it. Why did he smash his scope anyway?

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Cmon people, the (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=20&SUBMIT;=Go")Chronicles(/url) are worth looking at.
I love Frigates, as is easily seen:(url="http://"http://www.dabie.k-ow.net/~glasskids/EV_Frigates_page.html")EV Frigates(/url). Visit the web board of (url="http://"http://novatc.suddenlaunch3.com")my Total Conversion.(/url)

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Originally posted by Captain Phillips:
There were several spelling mistakes that disrupted the flow and confused me. Such as the "shuttered" in the first paragraph. When I first read that I thought that the rifle had "shattered".

I think I overwrote the first paragraph, actually. I struggled over how to make it intriguing, exciting, and yet deceptively uninformative. I think you'll find the introduction of the second chapter more readable.

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Originally posted by Captain Phillips:
And then to increase the confusion the guy goes and smashes is scope. I read that four times before I finally got it. Why did he smash his scope anyway?

It's an element of the plot - you'll find out in one of the later chapters (most likely near the end).

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Originally posted by General Rak:
It's an element of the plot - you'll find out in one of the later chapters (most likely near the end).

:redface: Uh, that was me. I have no idea what happened. I started to type my name and all of a sudden I was taken to the "thank you for posting your message" page, and It said "thank you for posting your message C!" Oh bother. :redface:

What I wanted to say was that I bet the scope had some new tech or something that the guy didn't want to be found out in the event that he was killed before he could escape. Or maybe a mark that would lead to the discovery of the ringleader.

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Cmon people, the (url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number;=20&SUBMIT;=Go")Chronicles(/url) are worth looking at.
I love Frigates, as is easily seen:(url="http://"http://www.dabie.k-ow.net/~glasskids/EV_Frigates_page.html")EV Frigates(/url). Visit the web board of (url="http://"http://novatc.suddenlaunch3.com")my Total Conversion.(/url)

(quote)Originally posted by Captain Phillips:
What I wanted to say was that I bet the scope had some new tech or something that the guy didn't want to be found out in the event that he was killed before he could escape. Or maybe a mark that would lead to the discovery of the ringleader.

If you haven't read it, please scroll to the top of this thread and follow a link to the preamble. It's required reading to understand the story.

(This message has been edited by General Rak (edited 08-20-2004).)

It was some good stuff, but some emotion would have helped.

You really don't need a title like that. If it's about treachery, intrigue, and great power politics; we'll find out for ourselves.

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Man, have pity on man

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Originally posted by Jas86:
It was some good stuff, but some emotion would have helped.

I'll try to put more in.

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Originally posted by Jas86:
You really don't need a title like that. If it's about treachery, intrigue, and great power politics; we'll find out for ourselves.

Author's prerogative.