(Posted 4-12-2000)

I woke up from a deep sleep. I yawned loudly. I looked at the holocalendar. October 7, 2053. I lay on my bed for a while, gazing at my UE Space Academy holoposter. Since I was 7, I've wanted to be in the academy, and get a UE fighter. But all I had was a lowly AirCar, with no space capacity.
I looked out the window, noticing that there was a large round ship using MY backyard as a parking space. I seached through my paddshelf, finding the 'Ship Data' padd and plunked it into my computer and scanned the ship. A image came up, telling me that it had no idea what the ship was, although the shield was down. I decided to read the news to see if anything could help me. I clicked 'news'. This came up:
UE News
Broadcasting to human space
and beyond!

Try Ben & Jerry's new flavor- Chunky Gorrila!
Some people wonder if old versions of the Miranu's
half-circle scout are fully circular, and were used to study
Earth many years ago.

Ah-ha! Now I'm getting somewhere. I decided to hail the ship. The screen read:

~Hail v. 1.2.6~
~Revision 231~
Comm frequency:
I typed list choices.

Miranu 226 NkZ
UE 456 NkZ
Vodidin 612 NkZ
Anzari 762 NkZ
Zinagar 112 NkZ
more?
I typed No and clicked on Miranu. Maybe they could unterstand that frequency.

~Hail Comm~
Inizilizing...
Setting comm freq...
Hailing...
WARNING: Audio only. No video.
Done
"This is Captain Gara. We need some fuel." said a crackly voice. It sounded alien, maybe because it was alien.
"Well, first," I said, "WHY ARE YOU USING MY BACK-YARD AS A PARKING SPACE???"
"Well, um, it was Kalla's idea," came Captain Gara's voice.
"It was not!" said another voice, probably Kalla's.
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"STOP BICKERING!" I screamed. They did. "JUST TELL ME WHY YOU LANDED IN MY BACK-YARD!!"
"Well, we were panicking at the time, and then we noticed your back-yard."
"Oh." I said. "I understand. What kind of fuel do you need? Liquid jumpstart fuel?"
"What's liquid jumpstart fuel?"
"It's.. Oh! What's your top speed?" I asked.
".72 lightspeed," the captain replied.
"Well, we have discovered hyperspace, and can go faster then light."
"Wow! This .72 drive is -was- experimental."
"Well, can you tell me how much fuel your drive can hold?"
"Well, it's about 10 koujus of MiranuJucie."
As I knew, MiranuJucie is compatible with liquid jumpstart fuel. And a kouju is 0.6732156651 of a jump. "OK, so you could make the trip back to Mira in about a week, take or give a few days."
"Wow? Just a week?"
"Yep. What's the name of your ship? I could look it up in my UEOL link (United Earth Online)."
"The Expallergus." I went online and typed Expallergus in. A box came up, all listing Harry Potter posts. Man, this must be like something in Harry Potter I thought.

(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 04-12-2000).)

The term is "decidedly mediocre."

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"Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
- Groucho Marx

Quote

ColdFusion wrote:
The term is "decidedly mediocre."

I concur.

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OpenGL Avara!

AIM: EVAndrewM

Voicemail: 1-888-392-4832, ext. 291-360-3759

"You believe what's written in that thing?! I was probably drunk at the time."
-Matt Burch

Thanks. Thanks SO much.

:frown: Max B-H

Hey, if you guys think you can do better, submit something to the Chronicles. Considering that Max is a student and not a professional writer, I think the story is pretty good. Also, he is practicing his writing skills and will undoubtably improve them with time. Meanwhile, he has the guts to submit his stories and to let others read (and judge) his work. I'm looking forward to part 2.
Jude

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I concur (with Jude).

Actually, it's not at all that bad a beginning, I look forward to the rest.
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(This message has been edited by Alan (edited 04-13-2000).)

(This message has been edited by Alan (edited 04-13-2000).)

I could write a fabulous story, but I'm bereft of ideas and time - if you have a good idea, tell me.

Actually, I have one chapter of a story that isn't bad, but I ran out of creative fuel before I could do more wanna see it?

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"Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
- Groucho Marx

Sure! Submit it to the Chronicles (there is a button near the top of the main page).
I'd like to see all the stories, poems, articles, etc, that anyone had written about EV or EVO.
Just remember that the subject will be your title, so make it descriptive (name of story, part/chapter #s, whether the story is about EV or EVO).
Jude

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Max, ignore cretins who don't give constructive criticism.

I reckon you've got the start of a fair talent here; keep writing, and keep trying new things.

Tip for young players? Try to get a plan on paper first. This can help some writers.

Also, try to clarify your dialogue... maybe make it a little less stream-of-conciousness? And maybe work a little on your plot style; it was a bit hard to follow. Mind you, how old are you? I think I'm right in guessing that you're still fairly young...

Other than that, crank it on, boy! I expect more cool stuff.

all the best,

pipeline (dave) @ ATMOS

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(url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/games/ev/chronicles.html")Visit the Official EVO Chronicles!(/url)

(This message has been edited by pipeline (edited 04-13-2000).)

Probably the best thing you can do as a writer starting out is get someone who you know CAN write and get them to savagely edit your work. Pipeline and I do it to each other all the time. We go through line by line, word by word; even going so far as to critique each other on our choice of language. If I send a four page document to pipeline, I would expect it to come back with at least ten suggestions/alterations/queries per page, and I'm sure he expects the same when he sends his stuff to me.

By doing this you learn very quickly some of the ins and outs of your own writing style, plus you get the benefit of a second opinion on your work at a very intimate level.

And don't let anybody discourage you. I can guarantee you that Shakespeare's first written words weren't a treatise on archaic theatre, he too had to learn the ropes (even if he was gifted, he still was unhappy with many of his works, rewriting them several times - especially Hamlet). So keep writing, you'll start to enjoy it after a while...

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Indeed; agreement with my shaven-headed friend Frandall. Classmates, english teachers, etc. can all give valuable insights.

Most important is practice, though. Keep writing!

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(url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/games/ev/chronicles.html")Visit the Official EVO Chronicles!(/url)

Heh...that's right, It's always nice to have a friend out there to edit work with, especially when they're in the same occupation as yourself coughJericoncough.

Still...don't know what he was thinking when he went to work for Peter Piper's Pizza...

CS

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Reasons why the UE and Voinians hate each other...
€Voinians prefer SPAM, while the UE likes SPAM light....
€The heads of both governments were trying to figure out which wife was
uglier...
€Tomato, Tom'aaa'to, is there a difference? Aparantly so...
€Two Voinians accused the UE of using IBM computers...
€A UE Cruiser accidentally blew up a Voinian planet...
€Two words: name calling

The story isn't actually bad. I think it's actually pretty good. The spelling of the other alien races in the game could be corrected, though. Besides that, keep up the good work. I think I might start an EVO story soon. Seems like a good idea. I already have two other stories in progress, though. Along with school work, I may not have that much time. Ah, what the heck, summer frees up a lot of time. Might as well make use of it. Now I just need to think up an interesting subject and plotline.

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-- Greg
-- AIM Screenname: Food Velocity
-- E-Mail: foodvelocity@mac.com
-- Website: (url="http://"http://sites.netscape.net/foodvelocity/index")http://sites.netscap...dvelocity/index(/url)
--"In the frozen bowels of hell, you will be flogged." -Greg Anderson

Quote

Originally posted by Wedge Antilles:
**The story isn't actually bad. I think it's actually pretty good. The spelling of the other alien races in the game could be corrected, though. Besides that, keep up the good work. I think I might start an EVO story soon. Seems like a good idea. I already have two other stories in progress, though. Along with school work, I may not have that much time. Ah, what the heck, summer frees up a lot of time. Might as well make use of it. Now I just need to think up an interesting subject and plotline.
**

Go for it! Then submit it here.
Jude

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I think it's a good beginning. I am anxious for the next chapter or two. The Ben&Jerry; idea is great!

Jude:

You don't think you may be overdoing it a little here? You're so boundlessly entheusiastic about your Chronicles...

I guess I'm the same with my projects.

But I have to point out the fatal flaw. It's difficult to submit stuff, and when you do, it can take months to get it there. I'd like to think that I handle stuff differently at my site... for example, Jake101 (Scott Lee) sent me everything he's got for Jade's Return (including previously unreleased chapters 8 & 9) and I stayed up until about three AM and coded the lot.

They were on my site the next day, while I was eating breakfast.

How can it take the Chronicles (which rely on automated UBB systems) so much longer?

Thanks, rant over.

BTW, for anyone who's interested, the site I mentioned (my one) is:

(url="http://"http://www.grybs.com/evo/stories.html")http://www.grybs.com/evo/stories.html(/url)Here

Quote

Originally posted by Grybs:
**Jude:

How can it take the Chronicles (which rely on automated UBB systems) so much longer?

**

Because every story gets a couple of days on the main page, instead of all of them just being posted in a list or something.

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General Hammond: I have a report here, Henry, from your chief nurse, Major Houlihan. Now, she makes some accusations, Henry, I find pretty hard to believe.
Lt. Col. Henry Blake: So, don't believe them, then. Thank you, General, goodbye.
--MAS*H, the movie.

LOL

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(url="http://"http://pub29.ezboard.com/b20")Don't click here.(/url)
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
The Person who misspells "Voinian" knows not of the 50 gigaton nuke coming at their cranium.

ROTFLOL

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(url="http://"http://pub29.ezboard.com/b20")Don't click here.(/url)
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
The Person who misspells "Voinian" knows not of the 50 gigaton nuke coming at their cranium.