(Posted 5-23-2000)
Chapter 9-Let Dreams Fly 'til the Day I Die
What was I supposed to do with my life? Get a girlfriend, or find family? Become a famous captain? One thing was for sure, and that it was something very important. Every time I looked back, it was time that was right behind me. Every single time in my mind, I stopped moving, and looked back, I saw that something, that wave of something.
I dragged my mind off the wanting, and the urge. I was going to do this if it killed me. I was going to find my destiny. Or perhaps god had left me out. Maybe I wasn't part of the gang, the group, the people. Maybe I was a forgotten soul without a purpose to live. My mother was dead. My father was never reported dead. Every week I would check to see where my relatives were, and how they were doing. Every time I checked, never, or hardly ever would I find someone dead. My mother was someone of a different matter, and a different valor. She was somewhat adventurous, and had a sense that being part of the UE was something that wasn't right.
I remember her thoughts, and the way she would tell me. "Don't give into the sameness, it will give you no color, or life what-so-ever," she would say.
Yet, it never helped. My mother was a good one. However, in this galaxy, all these people have a sense for finding wonder. Never was it "want to dance?" Or "want to go out with me?" It was as if, in this universe, the word "love" was practically obsolete.
I walked onto the bridge, and gave the command to Jake, and he hailed them. The screen was a dead black for a few moments, and then he was there.
"What's your first name, Captain?"
"Whatever for, Doc?"
"I need to know, Mr. Henkins."
"It is Jim. Why?"
"My father was named Jim," I said, staying calm, and my facial expression comepletly normal. Although it was hard to keep it this way. Especially with the conditions at hand in the situation.
"Sorry, Doc, have to go. I am picking up a distress signal."
The screen went blank. I stared at it for several minutes afterward. Something inside me told me not to run. What good was it to run, anymore? Couldn't I just wait for the destiny to come to me? I didn't know. It was these lonely hours in empty space that I was now realizing what a universe it was. As I said before, again and again, I always wanted to see the great wonders of the universe, to be the best, again and again. To go back in history back and back and back. No matter what I did, and no matter what kind of ship I had, no matter how much money I had, there was still one thing missing.
I tried so hard to figure it out, and I couldn't. Everyone was going off to fight and die in a war. Humans. . .mankind. . .all I can even think of is the sentence from the holy bible that the human race had forgotten so much about. Not the sentance, but the statement. It has always been said, over, and over. Can't we all just get along? No, we couldn't; it was human nature. No matter how perfect we get, we can never grasp the right feeling, or the right knowledge that our hearts, and our minds seek so much to find.
You get out of high school, then college, and you say to yourself, "I'm going to be an adult." Then, you realize that you know nothing. If only you could go back in time, and always set things right.
First, we seperated our selves by skin color, then came the world wars. The Terra Civil Wars, and the Galaxy Civil Wars. Everything had to do with death and destruction. You just have to ask yourself, "why?" But who am I to think this, I am on a warship!
So I sat there in my captain's chair, drifting in the Karticel I system. The entire thing was empty. I thought for a moment that I had gotten what I wanted, but was this enough? Was it big enough? Could it fill my soul with the wonderful dream of technology I had longed for so long? Only time would tell, and so, in the meantime, I would be heading back to Earth. For that, desolate world was my home, and home it may be, it was not just home, but "home sweet home." That is the reason I shall plan to live forever, grabbing and clawing at all the excitement in the galaxy. However, was there more? Could I reach beyond the stars? Could I explore beyond the nebulas? Was it possible? That is the question, and that is the key to every single thing in my destiny.
But when I looked back at it, it always said to me, no, that's wrong. Everything that you do is your destiny. Whether it is drinking coffee on a cold moring on the planet Earth, or if it is getting a Pepsi Rich from the replicator. No matter how silly, or sorrowful, or happy it was. All of it was there, my destiny, unfolded before me, laying out on the table.
I set course for the nearest system, and it was here that I decided I would literally go where no man has gone before. Let them do war. Let them die. I don't need to care. Although it was indeed a hard choice to make. I think I was going to be happy. It was just like every single other person in all the other races did, some were traders, others just liked to be Renegades. It was the future of the past, and mankind's society was more human now that it had ever been before. When I say this, I know there are other aliens that humans are friendly with, but the Miranu don't live on Earth. Humans do, and now humans have made the best decisions that will ever be made, or have they? To get the TF-22 back, they are going to probably need a big enough fleet to take out Voinia itself. Something told me, that the end of the Voinians was near, but I had a doubt about what they were doing to do.
Yet, I knew that many would die in the first place do to an ambush, I couldn't go off and help. I couldn't, something just told me I couldn't. I sat and thought, now longer as depressed as I had once been, but now feeling a sense of permeation in my feelings that I had never felt before. They were new heightened, and bigger. I just thought that if I went to help, there would be no predicting, and this means that the recon of that system is very low. What little UE ships have gone into the Voinia system, have never gotten out, and never returned.
So I knew that I could not go. At least that much was settled. I wanted to think of something else, but I couldn't seem to, and this whole thing was seeming to be too big of a distraction. So I turned my attention to Jake, and the rest of my bridge crew.
"Could someone please get me the pilots that we have for the TF-22's? They are newly hired aren't they? I don't know them, Kino, could you do that for me?"
"Yes sir, once moment," she said. Kino was the woman that operated and directed the speed of the ship. Not the helm, the speed. Meaning that she managed the fuel, and use of power into the ship's jump time, and its hyperspace speed. Moments later, she returned to the bridge.
"Here you are, sir," she said, handing me a small computer screen. I took it from her hand, and pressed a small green button. It had the chart of the pilots, and various information.
PILOT NAME PILOT CALLSIGN PILOT'S SHIP
Jake Canine Jake101 TF-22
Scott Filin Scottolane TF-22
Madeline Castra Mad Maid TF-22
I selected Jake Canine, and wondered who he was. It showed the information:
YEARS OF EXPERIENCE: 8
VETERAN:YES
AGE:27
CONFIRMED KILLS:43
UNCONFIRMED KILLS:60
CLIENTS:S.S. Virginia, Igazra #40, Elizabeth Reib, Captain L Levens Hector
I sat and looked at the others, and it turned out he was the best one on the team. I sighed, and then looked at Jake, who was looking at me.
"Yes?" I said, looking into his eyes.
"What are doing?"
"Just looking at our fighter pilots."
"Oh."
I looked around at the bridge crew, everything was quiet. I looked at Kino, and Jake, and then walked out of the bridge. Standing in the doorway, I held the door, so it wouldn't close, and turned around, looking at all of them again.
"I am bored, I'm gonna be in the recreation deck if anyone needs me."
"Okay," they all said in unison. I walked over to one of the old style arcade games, and one of the turret mantience crew was playing a game called,"Star Soldier:Force Gemini." I looked around and found a couple people playing 3-D chess. I walked over to one of the news terminals, and looked at it. I saw the headlines, and wondered if anyone I knew was in the articles.
BEYOND THE PROXIMA NEBULA 2 COMING SOON
UE CRUISER GOES INTO MASS PRODUCTION-ANNA BALASHOVA DOES IT AGAIN!
MIRANU SELL AWESOME TECHNOLOGY
As always, or almost always, nothing interesting to me. Except the UE Cruiser headline, I selected it, and read a small article. I turned it off, and went over to the replicator. I saw that in the new items scroll screen it actually said something, it wasn't often that a new product became available.
PEPSI CLASSIC IS NOW AVAILABLE! ALSO TRY NEW PIZZA HUT CEBLARE TOPPING
Pepsi classic was usually only available at a store. It was cool that it was now free from a replicator. It was all good times now.
Nothing to do, but start something with my life. Or should I say continue with it. I wanted to see something interesting. Although I wished that I would not say that so often seeing as how I had now seen a newly discovered civilization. So my life was off to a good start, but heck I was only in the young adult time period of age. So there wasn't much that I could start in that short of time. So I couldn't quite imagine how I could spend my time correctly and do the right things all the time. Just when I was starting to relax, I have to seek adventure again!
The alarm suddenly went off, and the ship shook. I fell off my feet. Over the ships announcement system I heard Jake yelling, "All personel to their battle stations, Captain Doc to the bridge!"
I got up, and ran out of the arcade room. The door opened, the few people that were on the deck were going to the level tube. I went to one too. With the word bridge, it began to take me there, quite quickly I might add. Everyone on the bridge was doing things. Jake was giving commands to the turret gunners, and they were firing.
"What's going on?" I yelled, and looked at the viewscreen.
" We just took a rocket hit! I just activated the jamming system, but they can still release their fighters."
I looked out the screen. It was 4 Voinian Cruisers right outside, and they were firing. The Karticel turrets roared with a large firing sound, and their blast, a white-like purple.
"Call the defense-" before I could even finish the sentance, a swarm of 30 TF-22s from the planet Karticel roared into the fight and launched flak torpedos everywhere. Two cruisers blew up.
"Give me their damage report, the Voinians, hurry!"
"One of them is down to half sheilds, the other is unscathed."
"Flak torpedos, fire four, to the left cruiser."
The bluish torpedos went blazing at a Voinian Cruiser. They made huge explosions, and another one of the Cruisers went down in flames, sinking down, then blowing up. The other was at half armour, and was starting to turn around.
"Back off, let the Karticel fighters handle it."
It was replied to with a "yes sir," and then I felt the ship move. Very fast for a warship, the helm was taking the ship very fast up and to the right, then we did a literal helix, and then started to activate the rear view on the viewscreen. It wasn't every day that uninvited guests showed up in the system. All we saw were several TF-22's flying down to Karticel for repairs, and for a break. It was no problem. In fact, the event that happend was so amazing that it was leaving me sitting there, awed at the way they handled it. I sat back in the captain's chair, and stared out into space. My Defender A.K. sat floating there in the Karticel system. I was sitting in my chair, and thought for a moment about what had just happend.
The surrounding civilians of the Karticel race, and the newly found Docmother empire continued with their normal business. Not just after the fight, but during. They knew that it was probably dealt with every single day. It was as if, I sat there, lying on a cloud in the sky, when I realized that saying 'bye wasn't even nessecary. All I would have to do is sit back, and let the dreams fly 'til the day I die. The TF-22's would do everything, and I do mean everything for me as quickly as possible. For I was a captain, and now my sense, and the wanting of my adventure like life was now fulfilled. I had a new goal to seek.
Chapter 10-Destiny Awaiting
You know, the galaxy is a long sleek black and white train that goes on, and on through you mentally. It is a train of consequences. The train can sometimes crash, and that is usually when something extremely bad happens. I have realized this now. I am on the train. Although, out of all this, even if I was going to be able to stand up to about four warships at a time, I knew that. What I didn't know is the other risks.
The other risks wre dimensional warp, and secondary weapon supply. Yes it was true, the model of the ship I was on was one of the most advanced in the entire galaxy. It was now that I felt myself wanting to actually go where no man has gone before. No wait, let me correct what I have said about twice now. I want to go where no man or no woman has gone before. Then I remembered all of the experience that I had when I got to meet Anna Balashova at a public party celebrating the construction of the UE Cruiser. It was great. I got to drink Saalian Brandy, and get an autograph. I was relaxed that one night.
Well, I might as well begin my search to the north west. It was there that the Ji Nebula was blocking a lot of warp points. In my mind new dreams were forming. Something told me for some reason, I didn't know what the reason was, but something gave me that feeling. Even to this day, I don't know what it is. Unexplainable forms of things have appeared since before, before B.C. It was no form of something explainable. Just as always, I found myself wanting more, and yet, knowing it was out there always.
I looked to Jake, who was wearing a head-radio, and listening to suspensful orchestra music. I smiled for a little bit, and then stopped again, to think again and again. That's the way it always was. I would think and think and think. It seemed to be my most important objective in my life. No one even knew my deepest secrets. No one on the entire ship, not even those I knew since the day I hired them would they know my secret of the wanting of adventure. If they did find out, it would never be for sure, because I would never reveal it.
Although, right then and there, at this point in time, I didn't know exactly why I didn't want that secret revealed. Or why I minded that secret being revealed, perhaps it was a matter of the pathetic sections of the entire thing. I thought maybe that was the reason, but I didn't know for sure. Even now, I knew that somewhere out there in the unknown universe, there would be something that would lie hidden, and out of my grasp. Something that I would always be trying to reach for, and touch it. It was very hard, what I was doing. I didn't know.
Knowledge was always a factor that kept life worth living. I knew this, because I had been through so much. The kind of things I thought about were not anything like something that you might learn at school, or perhaps be told by from an enemy, or even a friend. It was a fact that was in a way, was an unspoken known fact that everyone knew not by instinct, but the learning of what life had to bring.
It has always been known to everything, and everyone that the meaning of destiny is what god told you to do, and what god wants you to do with your life. I myself believed this to be true, because I alone have found out what destiny is, and what it is like searching for it. When you find it, you don't really know it, but then you later know. Something inside you will tell you what your destiny is, and when it does, you don't know what to think, or what to do. All you know is that a unspoken force has told you that you need to do or say this or that, and from somewhere out of the blue, you know that you should listen to this force. You don't really know if you should believe it, because it is kind of scary at first, but something inside you knows this. You don't know what.
And so, I was still there, sitting in my captain's chair, thinking, and thinking, when suddenly Jake spoke. His words were unexpected, and I never knew that they would come from a fellow like himself.
"Do you like poetry, captain?" Jake said. His words awed me, although it wasn't all that stunning, I still was amazed at the fact that he asked a question like it.
"Why, some poetry yes, and some no, Jake. I believe that it should be more popular that it already is," I said. The words had just a little bit too much pride. Luckily, he took off his headset, and asked another question, that made me glad.
"Some yes, and what was that last part you said?"
Getting ready to reword it, I quickly thought about the split second that I felt something in what I said.
"I said, that it should be more popular than it already is in some areas of the universe."
"Why is that?"
"I think it has a good entertaining, yet metaphoric learning quality to it."
"Oh."
Jake didn't seem completly stunned at what I said, but I knew that he was probably amazed. He had a very subtle look on his face, and then he sat back, and put his headphones back on his head. I was betting that he wasn't listening to music anymore, and but now thinking about what I said. Jake was a typical character, and he never ceased to amuse me in a funny kind of way, that I thought was out of my grasp. He made me smile, or sometimes laugh, yet those things were so simple. Perhaps it's the usual saying of "it's the simple things in life you enjoy," rather than something that I made so complex in my multi-leveled incredible mind. Everytime I laugh at something from him, it is always very simple jokes, or maybe a look on his face, but I never seem to just let it go. I sit there in my captain's chair and study on it for no reason what-so-ever.
As for him and destiny, I didn't know hardly what I was thinking, or how I was thinking it. It's like, you look at a person, and you expect the most unexpected, but when you get to know them, you find that you can sometimes sense the fact that they are keeping something hidden from you, maybe from their childhood, or from a recent event. Maybe it's just a little something, or a big something, you can always tell that there is at least one little something.
Yet, sometimes, there is nothing strange about a person, and you only think that there is something about them. As for poetry, I thought about it for a moment. I felt that when poetry was written, it was a non-stop bouncing ripple in a life force. Poetry never had to be only in the mind, but in life as well. There were different kinds of poetry. At least, this was what I had felt. The different types of poetry are not categorized. Yet, unnamed, and not balanced. I knew that no matter how much I looked into the stars, or how many times I saw the Miranu, I would know that the only thing poetry was made of was a special kind of grit. The grit would be carried in the people's minds, and would be immediately spilled out into their consciousness allowing them to write the words on paper, or a screen.
The question you have to ask yourself first is, where did it come from? Their mind, their brain? Perhaps their spirit? Or maybe their fascination with something. Yet, where did the fascination come from? Where did it all start? Maybe that's what I was asking myself over, and over again repeatedly in my mind. Yet I didn't know. It was poetry in the life that brought my destiny. Until the grit was found, the destiny still lies awaiting.
Chapter 11-Pure Instinct
I was now thinking of what Jade was doing. Destiny had been a concept that had now escaped my mind. Now I thought about the concept of instinct. It isn't very hard to grab the idea of it, but I somehow found myself wanting to know more behind it. One thing that I know about everyone around me, is that if you look to the point beyond a normal idea or definition, you can find out more than what you bargained for.
As I think more and more about this I wonder if some things in my life were like that. I know that that's how I got here, but I still don't know something that always lies out there. As I have said before, there is something waiting for me. It's a phantom, a ghost and I can't tell what exactly it is because I don't know.
Although this night I felt something that was worse than anything I had ever felt before. I some how sensed that something was going to happen. Something that was completly unexplainable, and horrible.
"Sir, we have a TF-22 floating in the system, the ship is hailing us," Jake said, his face unreadable. The expression was something that could not be understood, but somehow his face said something that I could not hear.
"Answer them," I said, finally stopping the constant thinking that had been going on in my brain before.
The blank screen flickered to life, only for me to see Jade sitting back in his cockpit, enjoying a Saalian brandy. He was dressed in a blue uniform. He looked at me for a few couple of seconds and smiled. He said nothing.
"Yes, what is it, Jade?" I asked, slightly enjoying the expression on his enlightened face.
"How are you doing, Doc?"
"Very well, thank you. What is it that you need or want?"
"Well, I came to tell you that my assistance is needed in the massive attack that is going to the Voinia system. I'm already running behind so I don't have much time to talk. We must hurry things up."
"You're going to help them? What kind of assistance?"
"My fighter skills are required. I am leading an entire wing of 22 fighters."
"Amazing. However, I have chosen not to go."
"That's fine, it's your choice."
"Why are you smiling?"
Jade stopped the friendly chit-chat and his face turned into something of a more serious manner. He looked down, took a sip of his brandy, and then looked up again at me. His eyes pierced into mine, revealing that he was wanting to tell me that the battle was going to be something that he might not withstand.
"I really don't know why I'm smiling. Maybe it's this brandy."
I laughed slightly, but when I saw the look on his face was still serious, I immediately stopped. I too, was now starting to get serious and slightly afraid. There was a unspoken tension in both Jade and I. I wondered if we was wanting to tell me something frightening, but he couldn't because of the fear.
"I just want to-" Jade began, but then hesitated, and looked down again.
I was now very afraid and worried at the same time at what he had to say. As I have said before, words are something that can be more frightening than anything. No matter if it's on a screen, paper, stone, or anything, just words can make the imagery extremly unpleasant.
"Doc, I guess I want to tell you that, this is going to be an intense battle and that I think I am going to survive, but I somehow sense something horrible behind all of it. Maybe the coming of a war far worse than any war in the entire galaxy. We've gotten the Azdgari to help us, so we have Azdaras. We've also got mercenaries, elite pilots, and other things that will make the Voinians beg for mercy. However, I think that something far more worse will come from the Voinians," Jade finished his speech, his face a concerned, anguished, worried mixture that made my spine tremble in a uncomfortable way that was all too overwhelming.
"What do you think is going to happen? Should I go to help?"
Jade's face jumped back in horror, nearly spilling his Saalian brandy, he quickly got his movements back under control. It was as if, something had made his stomach tremble in such a way that he could not keep his drink down, or even speak to me. Somehow I thought that a lump was forming in his throat and he was about to get teary-eyed. Instead, he calmed himself and spoke to me again, his voice not nearly the least bit shaky.
"No, something is going to happen. Something horrible and I don't know what. If you want to find out, then come along. However, it is going to be extremly dangerous."
My face was completly serious, and I was determined to find what was bothering him so much. I said "Jade, something's wrong, how about my crew and I come with you to help you in your battle? It would help you a lot. Another warship in the fleet would help. I'm sure that in this kind of situation, every bit counts.
"That's true," Jade said. His paused. Then he looked up and smiled. He let out a huge sigh of relief. "Let's take it by the numbers, Doc. The rendezvous point is at the Valos system, see you there."
"Good luck, Jade. Over and out."
The viewscreen went black. Jake turned to face me with a worried look on his face. He was thinking that I was mad. He had only about 2 tenths of the crew that the ship was recommended to have, and we were going into a battle that was most likely to start a war.
Something still bothered me about Jade. Something bad. Something disturbing. I had no idea what. However, maybe I could let that awaiting destiny show me the way. Pure instinct was now in operation.
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 05-22-2000).)
If everyone who has read what is posted so far, you're going to be blown away at the sequel. =P Stay tuned.