QUOTE (DarthKev @ Aug 3 2010, 02:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Aw, that sucks, StarSword. I hope your jaw feels better soon. Well, I just saw your edit so let's see about some of that feedback.
The writing was alright, I guess. Don't take that personally, I've never been a good judge of writing skill. The one thing that stood out, though, was how much it really looked like an official document from the files of some government agency. I almost felt like I shouldn't be reading it without proper security clearance.
The story itself, though, has really sparked my interest in the Axe-tail Star Empire. A code of honor, brutal efficiency in combat, and they have cloaking devices?! In the words of Misha*, "I like working for you!" I am curious as to how your time stamp format works. At 1638:32.32 subspace ruptures and the UGN fleet confirms it's the Axe-tail fleet. However, right after that at 1638:06.06 the Axe-tails exit hyperspace. I would normally assume 1638:06.06 should come before 1638:32.32, assuming the numbers count up. Does your system work differently? Is this actually a standard military time system?
- For those who don't know, I'm speaking of Misha Milanich from the video game Mercenaries 2.
Let me check on that; I had some trouble getting my word processor to accept the formatting.
- investigates file *
The timestamp format is supposed to read "hours minutes:seconds.fractional" (HHMM:SS.00 in format code). It's an expansion of real-life military time, a 24-hour clock without an hours-minutes separator (2PM is written 1400 and read "fourteen hundred hours").
The mixed-up-looking example you mentioned where the "subspace ruptures" looked like it should have come AFTER the "Axe-tails exit hyperspace" was a foul-up on my part; the "exits hyperspace" entry was supposed to read 1638:40.06, but as I said, I was having a little trouble with OpenOffice. I finally discovered the check-box for "Number recognition" and turned it off; it then let me write them the way I wanted. I must've missed that timestamp when I went back over the table.
And yes, the Axe-tails do have cloaking devices. So do the UGF and Balcrusians, mind you, but they're basically at the experimental stage (power requirements for a cloak that can handle hide something the size of a command ship or Marauder are an issue), whereas the Axe-tails have had high-grade cloaks for a while. The Ministry of Justice even flies ships with area cloaks (useful for witness protection and the like).
And the second half was supposed to look exactly like what it was: an official government document. I'm glad I carried it off so well. What did you think of the Axe-tail legend at the beginning?
Trivia: Incidentally, Commodore Evsen Zahradnik is supposed to be Czech. I actually did some research (ain't Google grand?) to come up with the name.
P.S. Oh, and krugeruwsp? I think you might be in the wrong thread. I asked about Sketchup, but not anim8or or Wings.
This post has been edited by StarSword : 08 August 2010 - 01:20 AM