@max221, on Feb 27 2008, 12:45 PM, said in Escape Velocity: Eon:

This is probably none of my business, and I greatly aplogize in advance for my presumption, but I made a couple of "tweaks" to your backstory...

No need to apologize. That's actually WAY better than what I would have wanted to make it. Thanks very much.

However, there are a few things that are slightly mistaken. First, the Rebels joined the Federation and finished off the Pirates' homeworld. The pirates left that area and began to search for new homeworlds, and did find a few. 2-7 months before the game starts, they capture Koria.

After the end of the Polaris Invasion, there are so few Polaris forces still alive. When the Dragonoleovans learn of their birth, they succeed in killing the Polaris off.

The Federation does learn from their mistake of creating the Bureau, and does not wish to do it again. There is a rebel force, I think, that I will make that is comprised of people who want the Bureau back up. However, perhaps I might make an "Investigative" branch of the Federation, known as NOVA in the future.

The Vell-os do not own their own space. NOVA conquered that space and the Vell-os become recluses, only found in the west side of NOVA space.

And the Spartans do make better technological advances while retaining their warrior code that is slightly odd. They are still weaker than NOVA, though.

Other than that, this is much, much better than the original backstory. I don't really have time to update it, yet, but I do like some added parts. For example, the deadly Polaris ship you mention but don't really talk about was a good addition. Unless, of course, it's the Raven, I would probably add that to the Dragonoleovans' military ships. I don't mind the tweaks, as I did read that my storyline was somewhat weak and confusing. I am actually surprised with this version you wrote, and as I said, it's way better than my original idea.

Glad you liked what I wrote; thanks for the plot clarifications: definitely makes the story a shade or two darker than I had imagined (a good thing, to my mind).

There is one point on which I wish to differ: I really only copyedited your story; very, very little of it came from my own twisted imagination.

Cheers

@max221, on Feb 28 2008, 03:41 PM, said in Escape Velocity: Eon:

Glad you liked what I wrote; thanks for the plot clarifications: definitely makes the story a shade or two darker than I had imagined (a good thing, to my mind).

There is one point on which I wish to differ: I really only copyedited your story; very, very little of it came from my own twisted imagination.

Cheers

Would the Polaris ship be part of your imagination?

Also, I don't remember calling the Aztec Cruiser's Lancers the Acid Lancers, though it sounds much cooler.

Let's see... Lancer. You wrote: "Rautherion Powers created the very large Lancer, and its ammunition was cyfiodic acid in a large cylinder..." Very large lancer didn't seem to give it justice: so I thought, acid by fuel, acid by name.

As for the Polaris ship. That gets a little more tricky. Here's what you wrote:

The Polaris Invasion began as the Federation were mourning over the loss of the leading Bureau, and as the Spartans were trying to recover from the loss of their leaders. Many were no match for the Polaris ships, and the number of fighting men of each group decreased drastically. This war lasted for around 20 years. For the Federation, the way they had won was to deploy a deadly new ship with Wraith-researched technology.

At Rautherion Powers, scientists decided to follow the Polaris' idea of studying the Wraith. There was minor difference: the scientists were looking for weapons they could create based on Wraith technology, such as the Etheric Wake Missile.

It seemed to me--and this could easily have been a misreading on my part--that the way the paragraph starting "At Rautherion Powers" was worded implied that the wraith based technology was distinctly different from what was described in the previous paragraph; you state that they were following the Polaris' idea of studying the Wraith and you stressed the difference with "There was a minor difference..."

So I thought: a difference from what? From the previous paragraph that describes a deadly new ship with Wraith-researched technology. And thus--using the enormous powers granted to me as an editor without any needs other than to please myself--I decided that the term "For the Federation" was merely infelicitous: going with the notion that the war lasted 20 years (perhaps not a long time in interstellar warfare?) I concluded that in fact there was a ship that the Polaris had that was able--even with a decimated military--to hold off the overwhelming force of the Feds for 20 years. So what could that be? A deadly new ship with Wraith researched technology. Clearly different from the project at Rautherion Powers, in which the effort was at developing weapons--not ships--that were Wraith based and could be used in standard Fed technology war ships.

Long explanation, perhaps more than you ever wanted to read. I still stand by my notion that I was merely copyediting... with the occassional liberty...

Enjoy or destroy. If there are other bits you would like me to elaborate on or invent, feel free to ask. I write on Wednesdays (another tediously long story there).

Cheers

Oh, by the way, I use OED for word definitions:

aeon
/eeon/ (US or technical also eon)

• noun 1 an indefinite and very long period of time. 2 a major division of geological time, subdivided into eras. 3 Astronomy & Geology a unit of time equal to a thousand million years.

— ORIGIN Greek aion ‘age’.

Your EON may be as long as you wish it to be, though astronomy/geology geeks will complain...

M

This post has been edited by max221 : 01 March 2008 - 01:09 AM

@max221, on Feb 29 2008, 09:55 PM, said in Escape Velocity: Eon:

It seemed to me--and this could easily have been a misreading on my part--that the way the paragraph starting "At Rautherion Powers" was worded implied that the wraith based technology was distinctly different from what was described in the previous paragraph; you state that they were following the Polaris' idea of studying the Wraith and you stressed the difference with "There was a minor difference..."

So I thought: a difference from what? From the previous paragraph that describes a deadly new ship with Wraith-researched technology. And thus--using the enormous powers granted to me as an editor without any needs other than to please myself--I decided that the term "For the Federation" was merely infelicitous: going with the notion that the war lasted 20 years (perhaps not a long time in interstellar warfare?) I concluded that in fact there was a ship that the Polaris had that was able--even with a decimated military--to hold off the overwhelming force of the Feds for 20 years. So what could that be? A deadly new ship with Wraith researched technology. Clearly different from the project at Rautherion Powers, in which the effort was at developing weapons--not ships--that were Wraith based and could be used in standard Fed technology war ships.

Well, I meant such ships like the Scarab and the Arachnid, along with the awesome Raven... but perhaps my wording was wrong. I'll keep the idea of a deadly Polaris ship in the hands of the Dragonoleovans and leave the part about the Polaris ships in the backstory. Then, in the game, I will make that ship with a name... and have the player figure out if it's the same ship mentioned in the backstory. grins at that thought

And about the eon thing, I believe EV: Scarred sounds much cooler.

If I may be of assistance just PM me with anything you like desc wise. Give me a general idea of what it does and ill give it a desc. Or if you need weapons ideas I can help. I spend most of my school days thinking of stuff like that.

@ekhawkman, on Mar 5 2008, 07:26 PM, said in Escape Velocity: Eon:

If I may be of assistance just PM me with anything you like desc wise. Give me a general idea of what it does and ill give it a desc. Or if you need weapons ideas I can help. I spend most of my school days thinking of stuff like that.

Please, feel free to post your ideas here. Part of the purpose of this thread was for ideas.

Also, I thought of a new ship: the Thor Light Cruiser, the equivalent of a Lightning as a capital vessel. What do you guys think of the name?

Just to give you guys a heads-up: I've been called to work on some other TCs, and while that is a good thing, seeing as I can gain some valuable experience along the way, I think I'll have to put this TC on a hold for a while.

This doesn't mean I'm not going to accept ideas, however. I'd love some, as my list of outfits and weapons isn't complete yet. I'll let anyone post their ideas here, but I'm just making sure everyone is aware of the fact that this TC won't be out until much later.