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Originally posted by chofelos:
**you know, you are right. heres what i got until now:
Humans are colonizing space, have recently found hiperspace tech. They are just starting a civil war, when they're sensors pick up a massive fleet of aliens approaching they're space. Sounds typical? here come the original stuff: the aliens have a main weapon on they're fleet, a rock ring transformed into a moving space station, like a shipcarrier. This ring, bigger than earth, and they're whole fleet, start massacring human space. At a moment, the ring is destroyed, leaving the aliens without they're main gun. They still have conquered many systems, dividing earth's empire in two. You know have to help earth destroy this wall, while struggling against looters, pirates and psycho-dictators that want to claim space for themselves. Many planets have no communication with earth, being isolated from everything. At a point, an isolated planet finds a weakness in the alien's ships. This planet is deeply isolated in aloien space, and could luckily send the message to earth. The aliens too hear this, and a time race begins, aliens finding the guy who has the info, and humans breaking through alien space to get the info out of there. If this mission fails, humanity could be in some deep trouble. If they succes (yes, two endings), they will use the information to erradicate the aliens forever and find out if humans at the other side of the alien wall are still alive, or all dead...
Its not excellent, but i would like to give it a shot.
e-mail me if you're interested to chofelqb@hotmail.com
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I don't want to be mean, and I'll start with a positive comment. As I understand it this involves the player in the major storyline from very early on; an approach much like certain RPGs, or some of the more liniar EV stories (like "Femme Fatale"). A refreshing change from the traditional open universe.
Oddly, the description sounds much like E.E. "Doc" Smith's "Galactic Patrol." The fleets of Boskone are about to sweep over Civilization, and young Lenseman Kim Kinnison in the experimental ship "Dauntless" is sent to capture one of the enemy ships and return with its secrets from deep behind enemy lines.
I'd suggest looking into proofreading if you intend to create the descriptions. "They're" is a contraction of "They are." "Their" is the third-person possesive form you were thinking of. And it is usually "Hyperspace," having nothing to do with "hips." (I had a story typed for me once, and my poor handwriting lead her to type "Gipperspace." Gave me this lovely image of a parrellel dimension filled with floating heads of Ronald Reagan...)
The One Big Weapon plan is a mistake made by too many implausible villians (Death Star, anyone?) Most real-world civilizations capable of building one doomsday device will have built up the industrial infrastructure to build a second one in rather less time.
All in all, sounds promising.
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You see a Grue.