Shape
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Well, that's the first ever chronicle I've personally released, so I doubt anyone has managed to sneak any comments in in front of me.
Lovely job, Robert. As I told you when I previewed it, it's very interesting, and has some interesting applications for our game. Just two points I felt I needed to make:
Firstly, as you are no doubt aware ( ;)) you wrote this story in first person. While this is fine, when I edited it there were a few examples of tense discrepencies, and sentences where you spoke in both third and first person. I corrected them for you, but I thought I'd just let you know.
Secondly, you have used a great deal of dialogue in this story. Just a hint, a little spacing between dialogue blocks might have worked a trifle better. It's fine as is, but I think it might benefit a bit from being more strung out. It allows you to add more detail too.
Nice story Robert! And you know the drill about emailing me if necessary, but I don't think I need to give you my address.
-Andiyar
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"Any good that I may do here, let me do now, for I may not pass this way again" -
I like the part about the "professor" almost being prejudiced against the humans. The ending surprised me.
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Originally posted by Celchu:
**Shapeshifters have no concept of good and evil as known by men. They value knowledge and order above all else. To them, the only good is consistency and holding true to an inner plan, and the only power is intelligence. Which makes sense, seeing as how a shapeshifters intelligence determines how many nerves it can support, and thus the complexity of shapes it can assume. Therefore, since humans use less of their mind than a shapeshifter, they consider humans to be inferior, and evil. Because of the latter, their race is in constant war with the human nations."
**Anyway, as to my comments on the story, it is very well written and gives great information on the shapeshifter. Especially why they war with humans
One thing I found a little odd about it is, which is not necessarily bad and I am not saying in any way that this should be changed, is how the perspective switches from the knight's to a shapeshifter.
BTW: Andiyar I almost beat you, believe it or not
(edit: formatting change)
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Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.(This message has been edited by spitfire (edited 04-12-2002).)
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Andiyar, congrats again for the mod-ship, and thanks again for you-know-what.
As for the thrid-first switches, whoops! Thanks for catching them for me.
I thought I had spaced the dialogue enough, but if you say so.Spitfire, thanks for the compliments, and now for your puzzlement. This story is connected to Body and Soul only through both being part of the same game's history and both involving shapeshifters. They're seperated by about 300 years and almost an entire sub-continent.
It seems that you're interested in the Body and Soul series I have going on. If so, rest assured there is more coming. Soon. Like 1 month, soon.
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"... For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause..." - Willaim Shakespeare, Hamlet -
Excellent story. Cool ideas, witty ending, detailed descriptions, all of that.
A few little errors are there:
"The odds were ten to one that they knew how to even use a sword."
Don't you mean that they did NOT know how to use a sword?
And also, in the beginning:
"a man by the name of Solinus."
and right after that:
"a man by the name of Malchior"
This is a bit redundant, I would change the phrase (maybe a wise professor named Malchoir)
That's all
P.S. Can someone tell me exactly how to use quotes?
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The answer to life, the universe, and everything is...42. -
Thanks for the compliments, llegolas.
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Originally posted by llegolas:
**"The odds were ten to one that they knew how to even use a sword."Don't you mean that they did NOT know how to use a sword?
**
Hmm, I think you're right. :redface: /me changes.
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And also, in the beginning:"a man by the name of Solinus."
and right after that:
"a man by the name of Malchior"
**Ah yes, that. I was trying to use the phrase to create contrast, but I might change that in a later revision.
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P.S. Can someone tell me exactly how to use quotes?
**The format is {QUOTE} to start, {/QUOTE} to end. Except you use ( ) instead of {}
By the way, did anyone catch my pun with the Professor's name?
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"... For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause..." - Willaim Shakespeare, Hamlet(This message has been edited by Celchu (edited 04-14-2002).)
just for practice