OK, to join in the spirit of giving teasers for our games, I've decided to do one too.

First of all, I've finally decided on a name, "A Silent Fall." Secondly, this is basically my first draft of the intro text with a little polish on it. I've finished the ending(s) and a few mid-game scenes, but strangely, the intro hasn't progressed beyond first draft in two months. =/ The format includes some notes to myself as well.

Feedback would be appreciated.

A Silent Fall, Player setup

(black screen, white text appears at bottom)

NARRATOR (N): Hm so you’ve heard about my involvement in the sunset incident. Well, at this point I have nothing to gain by denying anything. I suppose you want the whole story? Very well.

(Fade to Sepia-Toned cutscene of Terrance in a dimly-lit room that is a reminiscent of both a dojo and laboratory. music starts (organ/flute instr from love machine/ethic?, 2nd octave F-minor?, slow dirge-like progression), TERRANCE (T) is meditating.)

N: Since you know of my involvement you are no doubt aware that I am a practitioner of the black arts. Your curiosity about the incident likewise demonstrates you do not share the misdirected fear of my kind held by the general populace. That is good, you may well be capable of handling the truth.

N: First, you must understand the necessity of my journey to the Turtle Coast. Under different circumstances I would not have been involved in the whole scenario.

(Terrance stands up, walks to something that looks like an Alchemists’ setup as designed by Druidic Indians)

T: It is time. I will perform the ritual tonight.

(T walks out the door, toward the bottom of the screen, Fade to Black, Music change (try to time so that flutevocal instr from love machine/ pathetic (with higher attack/decay times) fades in, perhaps fourth octave B-minor arpeggio, same pacing as bass), Fade to Sepia-Toned garden scene. MASTER (M) is meditating at a pond. T arrives at bottom of screen, approaches M slowly, but halfway to M )

M: There are risks, you know.

T: I am aware of them. We must all face them at some point. I am ready.

M: So you say. There is no going back, once you choose. You can choose to go home and lead a normal life. You would remember a lie, but not the truth. I can arrange that.

T:

M: Or you can choose the path of my kind. Should you survive initially, you will never have an easy life, even if the current fervor over our kind should die down. As long as there are practitioners there will be the hate.

T: The preparations have been made. I will perform the ritual tonight.

M: Very well. Peace be with you.

T: May you walk as silent as the wind.

(T bows, walks toward bottom of screen, fade to black.)

N: I succeeded, mostly. To be aware of the risks and to face their consequences are two completely different experiences. I was lucky that it did not backfire completely. However, it is almost as if fate ordained my involvement in sunset when I contracted Scorat’s disease.

(fade to sepia-toned cutscene of a village, N’s text continues as T seeks out a certain booth in the market. After about five seconds, booth proprietor somehow raises alarm as T flees. Entire village chases T as a lynch mob would)

N: I’m not certain which is more dangerous, the physical effects of Scorat’s disease or the social consequences of having a condition derived from forces beyond the comprehension of the general populace. Whichever, I had but ten days to find a cure, a feat not even Scorat himself could accomplish.

(Cutscene will run its course and fade to black before continuing)

N: After much research I discovered my only hope. Her name was Perspehone, she had apparently cured herself of Scorat’s disease, and she lived somewhere near the Turtle Coast. That was the little information I had. The Turtle coast was far, and I had little time, so I left immediately and chose to take a shortcut through the Alisir Mountains, where I found the sinkhole

(music fades out, cave music in, fades to T lying on cave floor, dead horse nearby, and light filtering in from sinkhole opening above. Player gains control as T regains conciousness.)

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"Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind." --Mark Harrold (not that I know who Mark Harrold is...)

It's very good and specific. It's set up almost like a play...
I like it

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Kirin- A half deer/half dragon that plagued the lands of ancient Japan. It is said that Kirins are responsible for more deaths than any other deer. Recently Kirins are not very common however...

Very good. An excellent idea with well thought out plotlines. I like the way you have pulled the reader in with the rich dialogue and exciting images, but yet revealled very little. Yours is one game that I was sure I would download, this only enforces that.

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(url="http://"http://www.armanus-zero.f2s.com")Armanus Zero(/url) Coming soon from Negative Influence Software
(url="http://"http://www.ohhla.com")The Original Hip-Hop Lyrics Archive(/url)
Hip Hop Recomendation of the week: the Wu Tang - The W
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/me likes it.

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"Bond, GlueBubble Bond."
"To reach the Order I have attained, I traveled deeper into Chaos than I wanted. Now, as I stand upon my shelf of Order, and see the Chaos swirling around me, I realize I haven't come up at all."

Sounds good.

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(b) Bid For Power -dot com. Is It In You?

Thanks for the comments so far.

I've scripted it like a play on purpose. I intend to do cutscenes in the style of most SNES RPGs, that is, using the game engine itself. I feel that cutscenes which don't use the game's engine take you out of the game, because when you look at the actual game artwork, you have to project a certain mental image of reality onto the scene... that is, your imagination is doing some work. But if I were to show you a quicktime movie of highly detailed characters with fancy camera action, well, you don't get to use your imagination as much, and you, the player, are reduced to mere spectator. Therefore, no panning, jump cuts, or any of that fancy stuff for me, just the characters on a stage. Like a play.

This is one of the primary reason I haven't liked a lot of recent Squaresoft stuff... Vagrant Story excluded, because the cutscenes use the game's engine, of course.

As for the imagery, well, I currently write minimalist music and make very graphically rich visual art. Two years ago I wrote heavily layered music and did minimalist artwork. I've learned the power of self-restraint and suggestion, and so my writing style has been heavily influenced by those pursuits.

I also hate really long setups. Anything over 5 minutes tends to try my patience. Let me play already! Things can be explained as you go.

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"Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind." --Mark Harrold (not that I know who Mark Harrold is...)