Ambrosia Garden Archive
    • EV/EVO Chronicles: The Ancient Ones


      This is the story line for a series of novels. The idea is original to me, but I've since been told it resembles the T.V. show Stargate. This is purely coincidental. (Another idea I had for a shorter work turned out to run along the same lines as Lilo and Stitch. I can't help it.)

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      There is a dark past behind the Lost Ones, a tale of abduction and oppression, suffering and liberation. It begins tens of thousands of years ago, on this planet.

      The Egyptians were a major world power at the time, constructing the tallest monuments anyone would ever see for thousands of years to come. Anyone, that is, who stuck around for that long. The land of Egypt was prosperous, and certainly living there was safer than living elsewhere, with a mighty government around for protection. There may have been poverty, but the system worked for an astounding length of time.

      There was a village on the Nile, a village whose name has been washed away in the river of time. The people of the village were happy, and the village itself was somewhat isolated. The villagers produced papyrus and clay pottery, as well as their crops. Things were quiet and peaceful. But things were interrupted.

      A spaceship, enormous and bulky, descended from the heavens, and while the villagers were in a panic they were forced onto the ship. None of them ever saw the Earth again. The spaceship dropped a small device into the depths of the river. Then it shed its weight like a cloak, and rose back up from whence it came, headed to places unheard of by the overwhelmed villagers. The device that was dropped detonated, sending waves of water that crashed through the village. Each of the mud-brick houses was toppled under the force of the flash flood.

      The aliens aboard were researchers, finding new forms of intelligent life in the Galaxy. Every alien population they found was studied, but was never returned to its home planet, either dying out or becoming a lesser caste. The Egyptians, or as we know them, the Lost Ones, came upon the latter fate.

      Those originally abducted and their descendants lived in poverty for several generations. Some pleaded to the government of the alien race to let them return to their home planet, Earth. The government refused, but allowed them to settle elsewhere. The Lost Ones were granted a ship on which they could ferry the entire population to a world of their own choosing, with a few restrictions. They could not leave the planet they decided to settle unless they came back to the alien homeworld.

      So the Lost Ones left. Every living member of the population was brought aboard the ship, with everything needed to set up a colony wherever they settled. They chose an ice-capped planet that orbited a bright blue star. The world's equator was mild, and the axis remained perpendicular to its plane of orbit. There were no seasons on this world. The Lost Ones became prosperous, although living simply, so that all could simply live. With the technology and education they received from their alien captors, the settlers could manage to control their population, economy, and overall success in their new world.

      For many generations, the Lost Ones lived, worked, and died on their new planet. However, as years progressed, their choice in a world to colonize proved flawed. The planet did not have a stable orbit. Each year it drifted farther and farther from its sun. After thousands of years, the changes were extraordinary. The ice caps grew larger and larger, the surface became colder and colder. The Lost Ones adapted – at first. Eventually, however, they could no longer. They had two choices before them: leave, or die.

      The Lost Ones built more ships to accommodate their larger population, and set off, but not for the alien homeworld. They'd had enough. They set a course for Earth.

      Those on Earth had not missed the Egyptians who had disappeared. They were presumed dead and washed away. History had forgotten them. The Lost Ones, however, had not forgotten their history.

      The ships landed in Egypt in 2015 C.E., many thousands of years after their descendants had been plucked off the face of the Earth. The new arrivals did not speak a language anyone on Earth could understand, but when they revealed their written language, the lettering seemed similar to the ancient hieroglyphics. When studied, the language was in fact identical to that of the mysterious Egyptian empire.

      The newcomers, originally thought to be terrible space aliens when they arrived, were our long-lost cousins of another era. They brought with them all of their advanced technology and many stories of life on other worlds, which took the entire scientific world by storm. But the aliens had followed the travelers, and no one foresaw the danger...

      (This message has been edited by Rawzer (edited 04-18-2004).)

    • Nice idea...on the other hand, had the aliens wanted to conquer the earth, why didn't they do it "back then"?

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      "Quote it, paraphrase it, soak it in peanut oil and set it on fire. I don't mind in the least." - forge
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    • This does sound like Stargate, what little I've seen of it. It's good, though.

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    • Well, the ending isn't concrete at all. I have several ideas for what might happen after the Egyptians come back, but none are very good. I just needed something dramatic for this story. 😉

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    • Its a good story and it is also good that you left more room for a second chronicle. Are you going to b going further in the story beacuse I would like to see what happens. Earth would have now become a match to them because they have the aliens tecnology plus their own, I would like to see how it play out.

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      The mind controls the body, but the heart controls the mind.
      Half Truth

    • I like it. It would make sense since some of the egyption population essitionally just dissappeared. I like it a lot. I do have to admit, though, if they wanted to take over Earth, it would have made more sense to do it "back then."

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      "Intensify forward fire power, i dont want anything to get through!"

    • Two big glaring errors that I found... one, the whole story is TOLD. "This happened, then this happened, and then guess what? THIS happened!" This makes for a rather boring story. Open up just about any novel, and you'll find that the story is SHOWN. Instead of simply telling about the aliens coming down and capturing the villagers, they show it by adding in description. "Hashish woke up to chaos. Tall, slender figures all covered in black were walking around, wielding strange devices that struck his fellow villagers down. Rage boiled in his blood. He grabbed his hammer and rushed out of his mudbrick house. Screaming, he ran at the nearest black figure. It deftly dodged his attack and in a flash, he was on the ground. Then the world went black." Something along these lines. That wasn't particularly great or detail-filled, but I figured I made my point there nontheless. Another way to get around this is to have the story told by some storyteller in "present times" or have someone read it. Then your story is fine as it is. But if you're just going to have it be all alone like that, I'd recommend adding in some detail.

      The other error... cliches. It's not quite as bad as the other error you made (error just in my opinion), but it can detract from your story somewhat. Having something washed away in the river of time sounds pretty and poetic, but it's also been over-used. If you'd like to get all poetic with your writing, construct your own poems. In a book I saw someone described to be with a "before" body and an "after" smile. It was a great description, and it also had been original.

      Okay, I'm done fueling my inferiority complex.

    • ...and I just realized that I used the cliche that has rage boil in someone's blood. Whee. 🙂

    • Quote

      Originally posted by Mystikfire007:
      **
      . It would make sense since some of the egyption population essitionally just dissappeared.

      **

      True. They died. Many people do that, for reasons myriad. 🙂

      Also, add in invasions by Sea People, Hittites, Persians, Assyrians, Greeks, Romans, and Muslims. That'll make quite a bit of the Egyptian population "disappear". 😛

      Cheers,
      Guapo

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      "Quote it, paraphrase it, soak it in peanut oil and set it on fire. I don't mind in the least." - forge
      Founding Member of WORRPBOITAMPSH, Gildorian Minion and Knight of the Order of the Bastard
      (url="http://"http://guapohq.jonpearse.net")GuapoHQ - for all your Guapo needs(/url) (url="http://"http://insanekp.tripod.com")The Insane Klown Posse Website!!!(/url)
      (url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/vftp/dl-redirect.pl?path=evo/guides&file;=TechFolder.sit")Captain Canardley Ableson's Technical Guide to the EV/O Universe(/url)

    • DesertFox, did you read the introductory sentence? This really isn't a story by itself at all. It's an outline for an entire series of novels that don't exist yet. An outline in the form of a narration. It's not meant to be very entertaining at all.

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      Nobody's perfect. Well... there was this one (url="http://"http://flagline.com/images/novelty-jesus-loves-you.gif")guy(/url), but we killed him. -Unknown, or unsure.
      He's in his (url="http://"http://www.lewport.wnyric.org/lewportsite/highschool.htm")twelfth grade(/url)
      A (url="http://"http://evula.org/rawzer/comics.html")cartoonist(/url) and he (url="http://"http://www.pw.org/")writes(/url)
      (url="http://"http://evula.org/rawzer/roberto.jpg")Rawzer(/url) from (url="http://"http://www.state.ny.us/")New York(/url) -mrxak

      (This message has been edited by Rawzer (edited 04-27-2004).)

    • I like it.

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      Banter & Brawl: Skillfully interfering with the Democratic process since 2000. - Pikeman
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