(Posted on 01-02-2001)
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You go to church and pray for the conversion of the Voinians.
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You wonder why the President pays so much attention to the Mideast crisis when there's a much bigger Strand war going on.
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You win the $21 million Ed McMahon sweepstakes and then say into the camera: "I'm gonna buy a Crescent Warship!"
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You have a "Borb for President" bumper sticker.
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You have a "McPhearson for President" bumper sticker.
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When you see a map, you don't see cities and roads, but systems and hyperspace routes.
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You spend all your days searching the backstreets and alleyways of both Lima and Lyons but you still cannot find the meeting place of the UE Parliament.
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You're the one who holds up the "Free the Hinwar!" sign at protest rallies.
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No matter now many (real) bars you go into, nobody wants to give you a mission.
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You brag to your girlfriend about how you "Monty Python"-ed a Voinian Dreadnought with a Krait and when you whisper sweet nothings in her ear you make obscure references to the UE-Voinian war, Izgadra ships and Miranu trade routes.
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Your girlfriend is jealous of this Anna Balashova you always keep talking about.
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When your ex-girlfriend says "You've got a cold heart," you reply "actually, it's Frozen Heart, and I've got Femme Fatale, too."
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You speak fluent Voinian.
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You speak fluent Miranu.
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You speak fluent Emalgha.
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You speak fluent Zidagar, Igazdra and Azdgari.
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Even though they try to sympathize with you, the local right-wing militia extremists can't make sense of your "Free Huron!" banners.
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After playing MAGMA, you ask Meowx to revise your school picture.
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You go to NASA and fly up to the International Space Station, only to be disappointed at the fact that it does not have a bar, shipyard, outfit supply, commodity exchange, or even a mission computer--and your armor and shields are not repaired either!
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You get ticketed for speeding and you tell the officer things like, "I don't have to pay money to YOU--you have to pay tribute to ME! I dominate this world! I wiped out your defense fleet and I get (whatever) credits a DAY from you! Hahahaha!"
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You make extensive plans to upgrade the family car with a hyperdrive, shields, and some heavy missile launchers.
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You sit down at your keyboard and your right hand automatically lands on the thrust (arrow) keys, and your left hand automatically touches down on the "target select" (tab) and "secondary weapon trigger" (shift) keys.
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The bank tellers give you funny looks when you ask for "Pirate Parrot Insurance."
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You fall victim to "Forditis" at least once a week.
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You go into a room and say "Hey, përs!"
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When you want someone to explain something, you ask for a better dësc.
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You use the word "spöb" 50 times in your astronomy paper.
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You refer to organizations as düdes.
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Your name is OctoberFost.
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You spend 24 hours a day on the ASW Web Boards.
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You have all 1800+ member's signatures memorized.
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Anytime you go on AIM, day or night, you have at least 5 people you can talk about EV/O with on your buddy list.
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When you are doing another game you keep pressing Z causing you to get a left view instead of afterburners to escape the mothership.
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Every time you go to a vehicle dealer you ask if they have any used shuttles you can buy for less then five thousand credits.
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You try to establish a new party in the United States: the Voinian party.
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You search all the star charts you can find for the Saalia system because you have to get your hands on some of that brandy.
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You e-mail the government asking where to find New Chicago because you need to earn a lot of money fast by joining Stellar Corps.
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Every time you do a magic show you try to pull a fuzz out of a hat instead of a rabbit.
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Every morning when you get up you wonder why all this "Microsoft" stuff is still around when apple will have driven them bankrupt by the year 2400.
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You scour pet stores around the country for those lovable fuzzes everyone likes.
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Throughout every class, visions of systems and missions for a yet-to-be-built plug-in dance through your head.
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When you see a computer, you have to go look for new topics on the EV/O boards.
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You call up the local theater and ask for tickets to the next Zidagar opera.
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You stay awake at night trying to figure out just what the council is.
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You start associating the people you don't like with Voinians.
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You ask the bank teller if you can make a withdrawal of 5,000 credits.
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You've even lost sleep wondering how you could keep walking around in circles on council station.
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You feel more at home when you're in the captain's quarters.
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You dream of massive space battles in your sleep.
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You have even had delusions of mediocrity.
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You try in vain to find the afterburner when you want to overtake another car.
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You expect the fruit machines at your local pub to have pictures of spaceships.
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You make a list like this.
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You name your pet parrot Hector.
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You're at the VW dealership, buying a new Golf: You demand leather seats, CD player... and RCS upgrades.
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You wish the dashboard had a button marked 'Hyperspace'.
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You see the display of garden sheds at B&Q;, and find yourself wondering if they were built by the Emalgha.
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Everyone else at an airshow is impressed by the aerobatics of the MiG-29 - and you're thinking "Nah, my Azdara could make mincemeat of that."
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You've never heard of the Pleiades and you couldn't find Sirius - but you know exactly where to find Dogovor.
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You see a newspaper headline that says "Cease-fire Collapses!" and you don't think about Northern Ireland... you think about Voinia.
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You're going to attend the first international EVO convention, in Seattle.
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You're confused, because there isn't a planet or station called 'Seattle' on your star map.
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Your eyeballs have evaporated as a result of staring at the monitor too long, probably while trying to figure out 'Beyond the Crescent'.
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You can answer every question in the FAQ.
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You have already posted an answer to every question in the FAQ.
Compiled by Jim Stephens
Created by the Members of the EVO BBS
(This message has been edited by moderator (edited 01-02-2001).)
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