After reading Masamune's very interesting post about acceptability and the borders of such stated acceptability, I decided to try something out myself.
While reading, I wasn't disturbed so much about the less-relevant discussion on the acceptability of said content, but about how some people commented on mission desc lengths. I have some very long descs for Retribution, and I need to know on this subject what is 'acceptable' in terms of length and what is not:
(Please note that these are 'first drafts', and by no means are polished, cut for revision, clarified, or have even been edited yet. As well, the <s> and <p> shorthand refers to 'ship name' and 'player name'; the reason I used these instead of the normal tags goes back a long way and would probably bore you if I narrated it here.)
1. Short Passage
"...Reactor parts receipt in hand, you head back towards your vessel, and quickly find Aynaar. He examines the smudged receipt, and then hands the slip back to you, patting you on the back with a heavy slap.
You were quite a perceptive student back on Moonlight, he tells you. I can see that the intuitive intelligence you carry with you will serve you well in the coming days. He stares into your eyes, concern crossing his face. You do realize that we have nowhere to turn as refugees?
I understand. You look down at the dirty floor.
You dont have to be so shy. Come out with me, and Ill show you what Ill be doing with these reactor components. He maneuvers the freighter onto the service deck, and then hops out the open airlock doors. Surveying the containers of components with obvious satisfaction, he beckons you to come down and see."
2. Medium-length Passage
"It is later that you, Erion, and Aynaar are sitting together at a table and discussing the events of the day.
That was truly impressive, <p>. Ive never seen anyone take the initiative quite like that before. Erion wearily shakes your hand in compliment. And your friend Aynaar is a very competent coordinator, he adds in response to Aynaars piercing look. Both of you have picked up your duties remarkably quickly.
Although it remains unspoken, both of you know that you now know his words to be true your factory staff and you now understand each other perfectly and work together as one entity. Its not that hard, given as you have few options anyways.
I see. He looks down sadly. Most of us have been here since the sixth progenitor generation, forever mired in poverty. You need only look out the window to see ruin. Entire slums built underneath long-derelict structures. Channels of chemical poison running down alleys. The NSE gave up infrastructure maintenance in many districts decades ago; this is one of those sectors. What we do to patch up our factories, our homes, and our streets comes directly out of our own treasuries.
You sigh. I know I grew up in Moonlight as well. I havent seen very much of the universe yet they say that the Neo-Socialist Enlightenment possesses more than twenty systems, and that the worlds within the Core gleam with wealth and prosperity. The Enlightenment You fight to keep down your emotions. They took away what I had but they also allowed me to attain this position. And they fought against the Naztain so long ago I wonder if Ill ever visit those worlds that the NSE despoiled with their nuclear weapons, and see if they were actually justified in doing so.
Dreams, <p>. For us, at least. We are hopeless; you are not. Perhaps one of these days that will happen.
You gradually come to know your workers as friends and allies, even more so after the machinery incident, paying for their most urgent emergencies out of your own pocket. Even the occasional sounds of gunfire do not stop you from visiting families and the other managers.
One day, while inspecting the work being conducted far below, you lose your step upon the oily walkway. As you feel your feet giving way and see the horrified expression upon Aynaars face, you begin to plunge into the abyss.
Suddenly, two burly workers and a young technician grab you by the arms. As the four of you slide off into the void, you notice the harness each individual has strapped on. Your fall is broken only after only a short distance; as you smile in delirious relief the factory personnel calmly swing you back towards the ledge. "
3. Long Passage - note: this was written long before Masamune's post
"Enlightenment Yard is probably the station maintained the most thoroughly by Enlightenment officials. Even so, you find the pervasive stench of ozone billowing through the crowded hallways unbearable. Aynaar activates his TracComp, as the two of you push through the captains, engineers, technicians, SCD operators, and Enlightenment officials filling the corridors. Finally, the two thugs enter a secured conference room deep within the station. As the door slowly shuts, you and Aynaar duck into the dimly lit auditorium and hide near the back.
Are we all secured? Did you check for covert listening devices? Yes? Well, judging from what Borar here has said about you
The scarred man finishes the statement, his voice grating across the cavernous room. You couldnt find a listening device if it was the size of an asteroid miner, placed right in the middle of this room, and emblazoned with the emblem of the Navy of Sol. Why did I have to work with him? Why?
You peek up over the seats. You can see the massive Enlightenment emblem hanging behind the podium and illuminated by harsh floodlighting; by raising your head a few more centimeters the three men talking amongst each other become visible.
This isnt much different from the normal drug-running that I do among the slums. Only, we havent been harassed by any regional NSE politicians yet the bribes National Department and the NSE higher-ups told us to freely dispense must be working. The person who had been waiting in the auditorium continues.
Or perhaps youve been scaring them with your criminal activities. I hear the Moonlight Dogs, our crime ring loosely affiliated with the Department, has been resisting our attempts to relocate indentured technicians and construct new facilities.
Borar groans condescendingly. Be realistic, he pleads. You see him flexing his sinewy muscles, a silhouette against the brightly illuminated stage. I need my fix of pleasure it helps me think right. Those worthless slum-dwellers I came to collect my physical dues a while ago, and some moron decided that he wanted to interfere. You know how much fun I have with this one managers daughter? He sighs as if recalling a pleasurable thought, and you retch.
Shut up. I dont care if youre 19 and the most successful crime-lord this sector of the Enlightenment (which you are, because if you werent, youd be dead, not my boss), youre supposed to be trafficking in technicians, not women. Skilled labor we need, because thats what the Department has mandated. If you dont want in, our enforcers have plenty of methods to ensure that you dont come out with what you seem to value the most
You sick man! He curses at the lackey, gets up and stretches, sucking in his stomach. As he turns around, he catches a glimpse of you
Wait! Theres something moving! His heavy footsteps thud upon the concrete aisle as he runs towards you.
4. Really long passage - this is what I'm really worried about; although it's rare, it takes up much more than a page typed.
Through the transparent rear of the lift you can see the rest of the city and even the bottom street levels, shrinking away from you as you rise.
The lift stops, the doors glow and slide open. You are ushered out into a private hygiene room and left alone with a set of clothes covered by a thin transparent membrane. As soon as you touch the membrane, it begins to melt away. You take your finger off.
The door is locked, but the lavatory is clean enough, with tiled floors and recessed lighting. You see what seems to be an enclosed cubicle in the corner, you walk over and tap the glass front gently. It slides open.
You step inside and strip yourself bare. Examining the internal control panel, you decide to press the button marked Start. As your finger brushes over the circular marking, the glass front slides back into place, a set of lights come on, and the cubicle-like device begins filling with thick foam and warm water.
Soon, you are completely immersed in the fragrant solution and lost in blissful comfort. The solution slowly drains away and you watch as blasts of water pelt your back and front. Eventually, the front section slides away again; you notice that you are completely dry as you get out, melt the rest of the membrane, and don the new clothes you were offered.
Your escort silently leads you back to the lift, up ten more stories, and into a conference room. Like the slum-dweller you once were, you are amazed at the carpet, at the massive plate-glass windows that wrap around the room, and at the plethora of electronic devices contained within the room. David sits down opposite of you. A young man with yellow hair and blue eyes, he is dressed in an Orion District business uniform.
<p>, you are here today not because of what you have been able to achieve, but because of the potential we see within you. Without any formal education as to speak of, your innate tact and intelligence have served you well.
You nod. Youve already said that. What do you want to tell me?
Analysis of standardized testing batteries covering reasoning, comprehension, and spatial visualization skills that youve taken have revealed that your brain is completely normal. However, what you have done with what youve been allocated is anything but. He coughs, takes a sip of water, and continues. The Orion District maintains a military force that fends off Enlightenment aggression. Each task-force is assigned to one or two strategic corporate or technological initiatives this is why we called you here.
He keys a set of wireframe schematics that flash in mid-air. Our personnel make good businesspeople, but they dont have the strategic insight, resolve, or abilities of comprehension that are required to make a good military leader. Weve decided to instate you as the commander of one of these task-forces
You cut him off. Youve hardly met me, and youre trusting me to something like this? Could you explain?
David just laughs. Id trust Erion with my life; we grew up together. Even after his family was deported to Moonlight right after the Second Human War, right after the end of the Naztain war, we kept in touch. And you have no reason to betray us all our enemies are affiliated with the Enlightenment.
Well youre right, I suppose. What do you want me to do? I dont know anything about commanding a military force. You look out the window and gasp as a massive warship lifts off one spaceport platform, gracefully angling its nose towards the sky before thrusting off into space.
Heh, thats a Navy of Sol Victory-class battlecruiser. I hear that theres a real behemoth, the Vengeance, even bigger than that ship out there. Its supposed to be the most powerful warship in the human sector. Now listen: I want you to report to Rigel X in the Rigel system, the other Orion District system. There, youll undergo training. He falls silent, smiling at you.
Aynaar and you are escorted back to the spaceport, where you diligently prepare the <s> for flight.
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Retribution: An Upcoming Plug-in for EVN.
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And I'm really the last person to be critiquing someone's writing.