The flamable gas emited from planet Homer gets ever closer...

As the residents of the sixth dimension appear in dimension Orange, they are greeted by the space pigs. The battle rages on with dimension six having the upper hand. The MNB Hole is too much for the space swine. Von Herringburgh, Elvis, and ShadeOfBlue all close in on the ultimate weapon... and bonk heads. They start arguing and arguing and pull out their ionizers and start shooting at each other. The Goldfish follower steals the weapon and leaves unnoticed. Setag Llib also escapes unharmed to Sol. The pigs then just watch as the masterminds duke it out. They notice that they have lost, and vow revenge on each other. They each get some very bored Uzbekistan commandoes, and split up the sixth dimension into sixth1 dimension owned by Elvis, sixth2 dimension owned by ShadeOfBlue, and the dimension called... well... something in German I can't understand. Lets just call it sixth3 dimension owned by Von Herringburgh. They each start to plot against each other as they build there new empires...

Hades, still very alive, enjoys his stay with the SAD and the needle missile...

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Feel the Jive
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Got a question?
Visit the Questions? post on the board.

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While all of the wars were raging on, the U.E.S. Iron Fist (now an intelligent being on its own, through the powers of the 6th dimension) rested after reincarnating the universe. When it sees the destruction that W.I.L.L., Von Herringburgh, and others have created, it seeks out the remaining follower(s) of the Goldfish. When it finds the lone cult member, it offers to use its powers of reincarnation from the 6th dimension on the Goldfish. The poor guy accepts the U.E.S. Iron Fist's offer and the Goldfish is alive and very pissed off that it was killed so long ago. The Iron Fist and the Goldfish combine together to create the U.E.S. Iron Fish. This new being seeks out to destroy all evildoers (especially Von Herringburgh)

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"U.E.S. Iron Fist, request permission to dock."
"Permission denied."
"Up yours, Voinian scum!"

The remaining Golsfish follower (still having the ultimate weapon) goes to the U.E.S Iron Fish to hand it over to them. They are so grateful, they make him apart of their small orginazation and head for dimension six to stop the new war in it. It is called the D6 Strand War. Von Herringburgh (sided with Igadzaras(sp?) and some Uzbekistan commandoes), Elvis (sided with Zidagars and some Uzbekistan commandoes), and ShadeOfBlue (sided with Azdagaris, some Uzbekistan commandoes, and the MNB Hole) are all a part of this war...

Our long lost Pike who has wondered through the universe for about two hundred years (he survived because of a new miracle age drug ( ;))) comes in contact with a new ship. This one says that he comes from Sol and that he has a message from Setag Llib. He says that his name is Ripper and that Pike should return to Earth right now...

Our friend Hades in dimension Blue is still very much alive and is still enjoying his stay with the multipersonal SAD and needle missile...

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Feel the Jive
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"Wax on, wax off"

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Then a guy named Cotton Moose comes along and throws rotton frogs at everyone for no readily apparent reason.

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World War 1 was fought with Machine Guns and Cannons.
World War 2 was fought with bombs and missiles.
I don't know what World War 3 will be fought with, but it will be so terrible that
World War 4 will be fought with stone clubs.
Steven Hawkings,
-A Brief History of Time

As Pike enters the Sol system, he is hailed by Setag Llib who tells him to land along with Ripper. As they land, Setag tells them about his Get Me Into There Machine. He sets it on Dimension Blue, and the three of them warp into the mysterious dimension. Here they find Hades, a multipersonal SAD, and a needle missile. Pike rejoices as he sees his fellow commrade. But he's not happy to see a fleet of Voinians bent on revenge...

U.E.S. Iron Fish and there follower enter the D6 Strand Wars cautiously. Finally, U.E.S. Iron Fish unveils there ultimate weapon. A Giant Potatoe Launcher!!!! They start to wreck havoc on the groups destroying everything in there path until...

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Feel the Jive
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"My son is not a Communist! He may be a liar, a bum, a Communist, but he is not a porn-star!" - Abraham Simpson

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Quote

Originally posted by Jive 320:
**U.E.S. Iron Fish and there follower enter the D6 Strand Wars cautiously. Finally, U.E.S. Iron Fish unveils there ultimate weapon. A Giant Potatoe Launcher!!!! They start to wreck havoc on the groups destroying everything in there path until...
**

Some stinking humanitarian (and a few alientarian ones too ) groups say that it is a waste of nutritious food that could be used to feed the many starving people's. All the members of the war look abashed and ashamed, but as soon as the humanitarian groups look away and leave them thinking their lesson has been taught...

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-Shade

<-------- The information went data way -------->

(url="http://"http://www.theonion.com")The Onion, America's finest news source(/url)

They are eradicated by a giant spud. The potaoes destroy many ships of all kinds. Havoc, havoc, and more havoc is caused in this onslaught. Von Herringburgh is infuriated...

Pike, Ripper, and Hades battle the oncoming fleet of Voinians fiercly and unforgiving. However, the mercenaries are no match for them. They start to flee out of dimension Orange only to see 2 Voinian Cruisers in there path. Then suddenly the 2 tea drinking projectiles sacrifice themselves and destroy the two cruisers. Back on Sol, Pike asks Ripper to join his group. He happily agrees...

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Feel the Jive
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(Insert cool quote here)

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However, this process is ruined by the reintroduction of the Super Intelligent Anthrax, which kills everything with the exception of the Emalgha (The anthrax likes their taste in wood)

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---<< Ą Secret Chimp ! >>---

Bean rhymes with bean... hey, that rhymes with bean! Which rhymes with bean, and that rhymes with bean...
Bean bean bean. I made a poem!

Ibejamminhebejamminshebejamminwebejammin

but why did emalgha survive ... why are the anthrax interested in the wood ...
not even the emalghans knew until it was too late ... they uncovered a conspiracy involving slim shady, killer tomatoes and spam....to be continued

A Babel fish swims calmy through space (thanks to his WannaBeABioEngineer kit tm), looking at the remnants of the Great Spud War when Suddenly! whishzazoomBAM! he is lying next to a very lovely piece of wood. He then notices someone even more confused, the apparent owner of the wood because HE says, "isn't it just a GORgeous grain?!.....but HEAVENS! What are you doing here and WHY am I alive?" And the super-intelligent Anthrax replies,"......

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"CEASE! We infect you!" (Infects everyone else)
But then the anthrax gets depressed, and ends up jumping into a vat of bleach. However, this spawned a big walking, talking, singing and dancing blob named Kroffus. (KRAH-fuss, not KRO-fuss)

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---<< Ą Secret Chimp ! >>---

Bean rhymes with bean... hey, that rhymes with bean! Which rhymes with bean, and that rhymes with bean...
Bean bean bean. I made a poem!

Ibejamminhebejamminshebejamminwebejammin

Pike and his group (who are very much alive) slip into dimension six (whose residents are also alive). They stop the silly war and plan against the new threat of Krofuss. Von Herrinburgh comes up with a plan...

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Feel the Jive
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(Insert cool quote here)

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THE TURQUOISE HOLE! the most intellingent hole of them all, with power enough to destroy even the U.E.S. Iron Fish, and the W.I.L.L. all in one fatal blow (btw, dont try to say that blue hole can take on more than those 2 ;). the turquoise hole also has produced some super-super intelligent turquoise anthrax and....Mr. T.! now also turquoise colored...

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However, the turqoise hole was defeated by several space pig-lizards, which dove into the hole, and in the threshold between dimension Turqoise and our own (the 4th), they turned themselves inside out and then exploded with rage. Literally. Thus messing up the rift, closing the dimension hole, and preventing any other turqoise things from appearing but NOT killing off the turqoise hole itself. It only weakened it to about half of what it was, so now it's roughly equal in power to a blue hole.

ShadeofBlue attempts to work his blue magic on a white hole (which spews matter INTO the universe). But since the hole is white, it turns orange (opposite of blue), thus creating another orange hole!

Unable to handle such a transformation (since the white hole spews matter that means that it can't suck in the blue dust) thus making the orange hole lose it's color and disapate back into the white hole. However, Elvis sees this and is able to succesfully capture the white hole. They then enforce their new plan. They return to dimension 4 and unleash the white hole onto the blob who is quickly destroyed by huge bursts of energy and broken planets from dimension white. Pike and companions tell the sixth dimension thanks and he returns to Sol to start the life of the universe over again from the devastation of the anthrax. He also meets a bus of women just coming from a modeling job at Victoria's Secret. They all repopulate the earth and in 500 years the universe was just as it was before the anthrax attack.

Note: Everyone is still alive from 500 years ago. I just made it so that the anthrax attack never happened.

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Feel the Jive
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(Insert cool quote here)

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Quote

Originally posted by Mad Bomber:
**Well there was a thread like this at the Freespace 2 forum, and its at 1300 posts, so here goes. Make it as nonsensical and funny as possible.

One day, Captain Jacobs of the "Aeneid" looked out his window and saw Mr.T's super-modified van outside. Mr.T docked with the Aeneid and...
**

...as soon as Captain Jacobs walked through the airlock, the entire place shook. The airlock sealed shut, which was followed by another explosion. As soon as Jacobs stumbled into the cockpit, seeing Mr. T at the controls, and then looked out the window.

The "Aeneid" was floating in space, being bombarded by rockets. Suddenly, and without warning, the vessel exploded. Jacobs turned to Mr. T. "What happened?" he asked.

"Voinians," Mr. T replied.

"Voinians?! I thought they couldn't get this far into UE space!" replied Jacobs, stunned.

"Well, it appears they did. And I know how they got this far. They are using a Voinian Dreadnaught!"

"But, didn't that mercenary pilot kill the Voinian Dreadnaught!?" Jacobs asked.

"The Voinians built another one, and here it comes!

Jacobs looked out the window again, scanning the entire area. Suddenly, the Voinian Dreadnaught speeded out from behind a large asteriod.

The Voinian vessel turned towards them, firing several rockets. They smashed into Mr. T's super van, making the entire thing shake. As the vessel sped towards them, Jacobs realized something.

"Its going to fire its neutron turrets!" screamed Jacobs.

"Go back a few feet and look up. You'll see a hole in the ceiling, and a ladder nearby. Go up the ladder, and you'll find yourself in a big glass buble. In the buble is a set of gun controls. They control a turreted a beam I call the Fuse Beam! Go!" said Mr. T.

Jacobs was soon handling the controls. He fired the fuse beam at the Voinian Dreadnaught, nearly melting a section of the hull. He fired again, this time destroying the engine section.

Suddenly the Voinian Dreadnaught fired some salvo rockets. As it hit Mr. Ts van, the entire vessel shook violently. Jacobs fired the beam twice, destroying the bridge and salvo rocket launcher.

Jacobs fired again, and held the fire button down. The fuse beam melted through the entire ship, before the vessel exploded. The shockwave from the explosion made the entire vessel shake.

As Jacobs climed down from the turret mount, Mr. T faced him. "Thank you Captain Jacobs. You have destroyed a Voinian Dreadnaught!"

I hope you like this! Please excuse any grammar mistakes, I usually edit my stuff before I publish it. Sorry about making it an EV story the first time, I accidentally got mixed up. Sorry that it's not to funny. Enjoy!

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(This message has been edited by Captain Carnotaur (edited 06-19-2000).)

MEANwhile, the turquoise hole plots the destruction of those who don't read the whole strand and interrupt its train of thought....but where IS this mysterious train?....Will the galaxy ever know?.....But elsewhere....

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The U.E.S. Iron Fish finally receives its official Sixth Dimension Green Card, thus making it a full-fledged Sixth Dimension Resident. Being a Sixth Dimension Resident, it can now join the Sixth Dimension Navy. It uses knowledge gained from however many hundreds (or is it thousands?) of years warfare to assist Elvis, the remaining smurfs, and Von Herringburgh (who apologized to the Goldfish follower) in their revenge against the lone surviving strain of super-intelligent anthrax...

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"U.E.S. Iron Fist, request permission to dock."
"Permission denied."
"Up yours, Voinian scum!"

suddenly, the turquoise hole appears. "you need not worry about the super intelligent anthrax, i turned it into some super-super intelligent anthrax and now its going to help me in my quest..." says the turquoise hole. everyone cheers for the turquoise hole, he bows (however a hole bows, that is...). suddenly out of the turquoise hole pops Mr. T. he decides that it would be fun to help the people/resisdents in dimension 6. he also wants to learn what all has happened in the last few hundred years...

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Of course, Mr.T met up with Elvis and Von Herringbergh again. Suddenly, the original Mr.T's plan to suck up the air in the universe kicks in. The new Mr.T and the original Mr.T square off, resulting in them merging into only one Mr.T because they are in fact the same person.

This however didn't stop the air-sucking plan...