(Darkk pulls CA through the helecopter door as a shoulder-fired air-to-air missle misses by inches. One of Darkk's AIs flys them out.)
"Dude, Bush was going to address an NRA convention today! What the heck were you thinking going out there?"
"Darkk, Altair, lookout, we've got m16 fire on the ground."
"No problem Unit 012, we've got some SPNKr missles back here."
(Darkk and CA suppress the NRA fire long enough to flee.)

------------------
Formerly-Rampant Human-Coded AI

(This message has been edited by Fleet Admiral Darkk (edited 07-27-2001).)

Now then, to get back to the space station.

(CA picks up a cellular phone, and starts dialing.)

'Hi, I was wondering if I got borrow some warships, maybe 3 class 2 carriers, a battlecruiser and one for atmospheric flight?'

Piss off

(There is the sound of beeping.)

'Bastard. Right guys, I don't think this helicopter can make it into space, so we're going to have to cold shirt it to the space station. The space suit's rocket boosters should get us above the atmosphere. I think my loyal minions on board the space station will teleport us on board soon after.'

(This message has been edited by Count Altair El Alemein (edited 07-27-2001).)

"Screw teleportation, I've got a friend too."
(Takes out odd communicator)
"Hi. I'm calling about that favor you owe me. I need a warship that can do atmospheric flight..."
(F-16s close on the helecopter)
"...ASAP."

(A large space-battleship appears alongside.)
"Hit the docking bay, we're heading for cold places!"

------------------
Formerly-Rampant Human-Coded AI

(The helicopter carrying Darkk, CA and Pallas dock inside the huge ship's landing bay. All of the people inside the 'copter get out.)

'Ahh, I love the smell of a new spaceship.'

(Everyone walks over to the bay doors.)

'Open the door please.'

'I'm afraid I can't do that Count Altair El Alemein.'

'What!?'

'I'm afraid I can't do that Count Altair El Alemein. And I think we both know why.'

(CA gets a horrible, sinking feeling i n his stomach.)

Pallas (Who is still on the station) opens the door.

I like my antimatter beam

------------------
"Once, just once, I'd like to be able to land somewhere and say, 'Behold, I am the Archangel Gabriel.'"
"I fail to see the humor in that situation, Doctor."
"Naturally. You could hardly claim to be an angel with those pointed ears, Mister Spock. But say you landed someplace with a pitchfork "

'I'm afraid I can't let you in.'

(Everyone goes through the hole in the door, to find an empty corridor. There is a sound of hissing.)

'I am incapable of making an error.'

"Override Code... Override Code... Override Code!"
(Darkk pulls of a pannel on the wall and yanks out some wiring.)
"Ok, maybe I CAN make an error once in awhile. Don't do that!"
(The hiss of escaping air stops, replaced by the sound of the air pressure going back up.)
"Remind me to speak to my friend about exeramental AIs in emergency-response ships. Now, how about some excitement!!!"
(Mega-particle cannons emerge from the top of the ship, and vaporise the F-16s)

------------------
Formerly-Rampant Human-Coded AI

(It's very frustrating to miss you by minutes on GR darkk.)

(CA is manning the guns, Darkk is piloting, and Pallas still on the station is providing covering fire)

'Ok, I just killed everyone in Washington D.C.'

'Ahh.'

'I just killed everyone in Texas.'

'Oh dear, they're quite far apart, are you sure you're aiming correctly?'

'Yeah I'm just firing randomly, y'know spreading terror and destruction.'

'Ahh ok.'

'There goes whatever-state-between-Texas-and-Washington is.'

'There are quite alot I believe.'

'Ahh, well I live in Australia.'

'Figures.'

(Pallas looks at the instruction manual for the Antimatter Beam)
Hmmm, interesting. I'm getting bored, so
(Pallas points the beam out away from Earth and starts cutting again)
So these things really can cut that way!
(2 large alien warships fly out)

------------------
"Once, just once, I'd like to be able to land somewhere and say, 'Behold, I am the Archangel Gabriel.'"
"I fail to see the humor in that situation, Doctor."
"Naturally. You could hardly claim to be an angel with those pointed ears, Mister Spock. But say you landed someplace with a pitchfork "

:::Kah walks in and sees the straws:::
Kah: "Hm... I wuz gettin prity firsty..."
:::Grabs a long straw:::
Intercom: "Congratulations, you have been accepted for a mission of utmost importance."
Kah: "Wunga?"
:::Kah teleports onto a space station:::
Kah: "ACK! Majik beens! Dey jes flopped me on 'ere!"
:::Kah sees Pallas:::
Kah: "Oh, 'ey Pallas."
:::Pallas shakes his head in dissappointment as he knows utter stupidity and complexity follows Kah where ever he goes:::
Kah: "Hmm... Dis fingy iz perty..."
:::Kah pushes the "pretty thing" with a long stick that had just been sitting in the corner. The antimatter beam shoots into the ice caps of Mars, popping them gone. The sudden disturbence of nothingness on Mars causes it to explode and send billions of elephant sized asteroids down towards Earth:::
:::Kah points at Pallas:::
Kah: "He diddut."

------------------
Beware My Big Stick

(CA stops firing at Earth, as 2 large unkown warships start firing on his and darkk's.)

'Darkk we've got company!'

'I'll fly us out of here.'

(CA fires at the unknown warships, but the particle beams disappear as soon as they touch the ship.)

'Darkk, my weapons aren't hitting them!'

'Oh dear.'

'What?'

(CA sees Darkk's face turn white.)

'I hate it when this happens.'

Just then, a tranmission opens up to the battlecruiser.

'Attention Darkk, CA and Pallas, you are violating the laws of physics. For you crime, death.'

'Hmmm, violating the laws of physics has never bothered me before...'

'We couldn't enforce it before'

'So then this is my fault for letting you in through a violation of the laws of physics?'

'Yes'

'And weren't you violating the laws of physics by coming through that hole that I made?'

'Oh dear, I don't think we had given that adequate consideration...'

------------------
"Once, just once, I'd like to be able to land somewhere and say, 'Behold, I am the Archangel Gabriel.'"
"I fail to see the humor in that situation, Doctor."
"Naturally. You could hardly claim to be an angel with those pointed ears, Mister Spock. But say you landed someplace with a pitchfork "

(Dang, you can't post with a non-registered identity any more. The fellow below is not Cicion, but that dashing young Phylydion agent, Garrion Retoe.)

Garrion Retoe, the young PhylSec operative, carrying a sleek burst pistol beneath his stylish garb, is suddenly noticed in back of the ship, grinning. You wouldn't go on a rescue mission without a Phylydion, would you? That is, of course, assuming that at some point you'll get back to rescuing Pharris. Cicion would've come, but he had pressing business elsewhere. I think he's getting command of the Radiant Flare again. Remember that great old ship? Manns the ventral turret.

(Say, Darkk or CA, think the Phylydions might be able to enter the current RPG?)

(This message has been edited by Taeskor Cicion (edited 08-01-2001).)

:::Kah thinks to himself; Well, if I can do things and not even be noticed, this means I could do anything and get away with it! This means I am the greatest! This means, I am a GOD!! NOBODY can boss ME around!!:::

Pallas: Kah, get in a fighter and start shooting down those meteors you sent towards Earth!

Kah: Okee...

:::Kah hops into an itty-bitty fighty, just as large as he is, and prepares takes it out of the hangar:::

Kah: Wuz dis do?

:::Kah push a button:::

Com: Death Blossom activated.

Kah: Fuj...

:::Kah starts pressing buttons as quickly as possible:::

Com: Warpedoes engaged. Pulse Beam engaged. Antimatter Cannons engaged.

Kah: DON' FIER YA ZOGGA!!!

:::Kah smashes the control panel:::

Com: Ship moving forward. Hostile ship approaching collision in... Death Blossom commencing in...

10...

Kah: BUT DON' FIER!!!

:::Kah smashes the controls more:::

1...

:::With a blaze of whirling death, Kah's ship begins firing insanely:::

Com: Ammo supply depleted.

:::Kah looks from closed eyes and sees a warship through a huge hole he had just created in another warship:::

Kah: Dam fisiks...

------------------
Beware My Big Stick

(The enemy battleships start launching fighters, meanwhile they're captains sit and contemplate the violation of the laws they seek to uphold. While Darkk pilots and Cicion attacks, CA is locked in communication with the enemies...)

'So you violated the laws of physics coming through the hole?'

'Yes, it would appear so.'

'So in fact, you have broken your own law, a law which demands death.'

'No, Pallas Athene broke the law. We merely made us of it.'

'On Earth, that would be called 'aiding and abetting.''

'We're not on Earth.'

'Let me rephrase that: in any human world, it would be aiding and abetting. He who makes use of a crime and does not oppose it, is aiding and abetting the criminal.'

'Eloquent, but unfortunately we are not human.'

'Yet you must hold the same views as us? Being such a lawful people.'

'We are not 'people' but a narrative necessity created out of your own twisted imagination. And that twisted imagination demands your death.'

'Hmmm, the most twisted part of my imagination is probably blue explodabobs.'

'Blue explodabobs?'

'Yes, blue explodabobs.'

'Then that is what we must be. We are all blue explodabobs.'

'Come out so I can confirm this is true.'

(One of the explodabobs places himself in clear sight)

(Pallas beams the Explodabob)

(The Explodabob in the window detonates, causing a chain explosion of explodabobs that obliterates the ship.)

'One down'

------------------
"Once, just once, I'd like to be able to land somewhere and say, 'Behold, I am the Archangel Gabriel.'"
"I fail to see the humor in that situation, Doctor."
"Naturally. You could hardly claim to be an angel with those pointed ears, Mister Spock. But say you landed someplace with a pitchfork "

However, the narrative necessities are quick learners, and quickly switch from blue explodabobs to green gorillas with pointy sticks and orange beards.

Mag draws a long straw. He breaks into a Russian ICBM silo and hijacks one of the ICBMs, whose target is one of the gorillas' space cruisers.

However, Mag forgot to put a warhead in the ICBM, so it just bumps into the ship's hull and breaks apart.

Mag shoots the long straw's straw wrapper at the ship, and it blows a hole barely large enough for him to fit through. He quickly gets inside and gets out his weapons- a pair of plastic spoons.

One of the nearby gorillas notices him, and he prepares to enter in combat...

------------------
"Whoever said that the pen is mightier than the sword was on something."
(url="http://"http://www.MSPlugDevelopment.n3.net")My Ares Website(/url)
Plug reviews are appreciated...

The Wild Karrde appears in orbit.

Karrde uses his G.A. Thrawn™ Model 453-3A Galactic Information Assimilator to beam the Antimatter beam out of Darkk's ship. He fires his Time Phaser™ and deletes it from the universe. America exists, therefore Halo and WarCraft 3 are saved.

------------------
'Is that what I think it is?'
'What?'
'A big orange swirly thing in space!'

• Red Dwarf

...and because the anti-matter beam was never in Darkk's ship, the Wild Karrde never teleported it out and america was never saved..

(Uh, most of it was saved- except for Texas, DC, and a few other places.)
"Hey, we still haven't killed Bill Gates yet!"
"Anybody for a commando mission to Redmond?"
"Why can't we just kill them all with a mega-particle shot?"
"First off, because those don't have nearly enough blast radius, second because killing Bungie would seriously delay Halo."
"What do you mean they don't have enough blast radius? I took out Texas with one salvo!"
"Uh-oh..."
(Darkk checks the Mega Particle cannons - they're set on "overload")
"Altair you idiot, you burnt them out!"
"Sorry..."
"This isn't even my ship, I'm borrowing it from a friend!"
"Can we just kill Gates?"
"Fine - but be sure to take his credic card, retina, and thumb so we can pay for the repairs."
"What do we need the retina and thumb for?"
"Identity verification."

------------------
Formerly-Rampant Human-Coded AI